Top 10 reasons why the NBA voted to keep the Kings in Sacramento

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10) There's no way that Oklahoma City's ownership is ever going to allow their team to go to Seattle if they can help it

9) Want to make sure they have an ace in the hole the next time some city develops a backhone around the shameless corporate welfare that is a new stadium

8) Road games in Sactown are in one of the few places where the owners can be sure their players won't stay out late or get in trouble

7) Seattle's basketball legacy clearly inferior to that brief period of time where the Kings weren't horrible

6) Having a team near Portland might make Paul Allen pay attention, which is clearly not good for the league

5) Just couldn't say no to Kevin Johnson while he's wearing a Quimby-esque Mayor sash, along with people who willingly carry cowbells a decade after that was a thing

4) The success of Memphis, Oklahoma City and San Antonio means that the league should continue to be in small cities, rather than, you know, places people actually want to go to

3) Considering the history of this franchise, making them stay in the same place is kind of new and novel

2) Really love the Kings' annual tradition of the tearful goodbye sellout home games in April

1) By keeping the team in Sacramento, they help to prolong the amount of time that anyone in this world have to care about the Maloof Goofs