Rules for your Sunday Afternoon Foursome

Did not suffer enough

So it's a beautiful day outside, and you've decided to go hit your local links with three of your friends who share your desire to swing golf clubs while infuriating others. But you don't want to miss out on any possible ways in which to make people hate you. Good thing I'm here to help!

> You've paid for the whole course. Play it!

Some people believe that high handicap players should, you know, play from the white tees that are designed for, well, high handicap players. But those people are just giving back yards of fun. Rather, play from the blues (LIKE MEN!) and see more of the course. It's just a better value!

> Slow and low, that is the tempo!

Just because the course is filled with players making an effort to keep up with the pace of play doesn't mean that you have to do anything more than saunter, especially if there's no annoying ranger to harsh your vibe.

> Golf balls are precious. Collect 'em all!

Since you are terrible players going from the blues, you are going to reach parts of the course that other people just aren't going to go to. And you can find lots of golf balls out there, including some that might even be your own. Take extra time and fill your pockets. You'll be glad you did!

> Golf carts are like go karts. Have fun driving them!

Sure, the old men in the clubhouse want you to stay on the paths or at 90 degree angles, but it's not like you've got a protractor on you, and geography is for nerds. Go all over -- including backwards if you like. Don't let those guys behind you bully you into not having full freedom of movement!

> If you can't find your ball, check the green and hole first!

After all, you've been spraying the course with shots from those blues, and you know that you're all such big, big hitters. If the ball is not immediately visible from where you are, a great and positive miracle must have come your way!