Top 10 reasons the Cavs have changed uniforms

10) The sleek new threads are sure to attract free agents, provided those players don't mind upper management acting like plantation owners

9) It will make the eventual retirement of He Who Must Not Be Named's jersey, which will happen simply to get a full sellout of people to boo, even more awkward

8) When the good fans of Cleveland see a 25-win team in new threads, it's the sure fix for any possible attendance problem

7) The deeper wine color is, well, somehow appropriate now

6) Everyone in town needs a new jersey anyway, owing to a sudden outbreak of fires

5) As everything they've done in the last few months shows, they just want to be as much like fellow laundry switcher Golden State as possible

4) Allowed owner Dan Gilbert to make a truly high-larious joke about the font on the new unis being Comic Sans

3) New jerseys are coated with a trace levels of kryptonite, garlic and wolfs bane

2) The team is sensing a big uptick in sales to ironic hipsters and the homeless

1) The new threads are reminiscent of the early '70s, when the team's top draft pick stayed with the club, many fans were alive when a local team won a championship, and some people actually had jobs

Top 10 takeaways from the latest Favre A Go Go

10) The fact that he showed up almost a year to the day from the last time he did this nonsense doesn't make this year's sincere indecision any less valid

9) Unlike last year, Jared Allen didn't beg for him to come back, but rather just added money to the tip jar

8) In a major upset, Favre might be available to the media to discuss the situation, but only for as long as the camera or microphone has power

7) Tarvaris Jackson is getting very, very good at assuming the position

6) Fantasy nerds can go back to Preset Viking Player Draft Order Alpha

5) In what has to be considered a disappointment, he isn't going for the full Phil Hellmuth WSOP entrance

4) The Internet reaches its full potential as a revolution in communications via the use of Twitter for coverage of this event

3) Now, the Vikings have a much better chance to lose in the playoffs on a season-ending pick, rather than losing in the regular season on a season-ending pick

2) Brad Childress obviously still has the tongue and dedication for the job

1) The real shame of all of this is that the media, for some reason, refuses to give this the coverage it deserves

Top 10 takeaways from K-Rod FistGate

10) When you are striking the grandfather of your children, make sure to use your non-pitching hand

9) Season-ending surgery and the ire of all is a small price to pay to keep your father-in-law in line

8) The really sad thing for Met Fan is that this is far from the least painful recent fisting

7) The club might void the contract, which means this could be the best thing that happened to the team this year

6) If you've got any clue who is going to get saves now in this crapfest, you are one up on me

5) Mets manager Jerry Manuel said he isn't mad, by which we can infer that he's more than ready to be fired

4) Now that K-Rod's season is over, he can move right into fighting over 50 year olds in a very special new MMA division

3) K-Rod's agent didn't say whether he would lie about how his client got hurt later

2) K-Rod is owed another $17.5 million, assuming he gets surgery, makes another ridiculously fake apology, and the Mets brass remains too stupid to find their ass with both hands and a map

1) This is really going to hurt the Mets' stretch fail

Top 10 reasons why Brian Westbrook chose the Niners

10) Had already used his Jedi powers to end Glen Coffee

9) Wants to recreate the post-Eagles career of Charlie Garner

8) As stated previously when we thought he was going to the Rams, football players with histories of concussion should always choose a division without hitting

7) Really wants to stick it to all of Frank Gore's owners in fantasy football

6) Padding your numbers for Canton in the NFC West worked wonders for Emmitt Smith

5) Has undisclosed business to take care of in the Castro

4) Knows that Alex Smith can't actually throw accurately enough to get it to a WR, so he's going to get a lot of screen passes in the flat

3) Looking forward to working with a coach who might, just might, have a clue with clock management

2) Natural grass, local wine and temperate climates are good for older citizens

1) Has a secret, shameful and unquenchable thirst for... sourdough

(And the special bonus reason, just for longtime readers of the blog: Just like me, B-Dub longed to be, closer to Mookie...)

This week's Top 10 MLB takeaways

10) The Giants picked up Jose Guillen off the scrap heap, because when you have Pat Burrell and Aubrey Huff, you really need another guy out there with the range of a dead man

9) DC protestors chose the only kind of Nationals game that anyone notices -- a Stephen Strasburg start -- to try to move the All Star Game from Phoenix in 2011

8) Twins manager Ron Gardenhire pulled starting pitcher Kein Slowey despite having a no-hitter through seven innings, because no hitters are no longer uncommon

7) Derrek Lee hit four home runs in three games after coming back from bereavement leave, leading Cubs Fan to wonder if they need his relatives to die more often

6) Kansas City and Cleveland combined to win 6 of their last 20 games, which is to say that they pretty much performed as usual

5) Eight years and 20 major league appearances after being drafted #1 overall by the Pirates, Bryan Bullington beat the Yankees for his first major league win, mostly because the Yankees are helpless against pitchers they haven't seen before

4) In an utterly unprecedented development that shook the baseball world to its foundation, Rich Harden went on the disabled list

3) Jacoby Ellsbury's year appears to be over, due to soft ribs and a heavy flow

2) Stephen Strasburg called out Bryce Harper for having the temerity to hire Scott Boras as an agent

1) Justin Morneau's season appears to be over, a full 2-3 weeks earlier than usual