Awkward Fantasy Baseball Team Names

The awkwardness of certain sports expressions is one of those chicken-egg moments. Were our sports always laced with codewords for various subcultures, or have those subcultures simply tried to become more mainstream by co-opting sports phrases?

Well, far be it for me to answer these questions of metaphysical linguistics, especially when more and more of you (every day) are looking for some help in putting your league mates off their game.

Besides, let's face it... Is there really a limit that you aren't prepared to go to for league supremacy? If it puts your fellow league mates off their oats, shake your naming moneymaker, girlfriend. (As always, these should fit in Yahoo leagues.)

Needle Buddies

Designated Hitters

Albert's Belle Boys

Lefty Specialists

Platoon Pals

Utility Players

Bush League Call Up

Head First

Warning Tracks

Juiced Bats

Rafael's Palmeiro

Turning Two

Hot Corners

Loaded Bullpen

Power and Speed

Splash Hits

3 True Outcomes

Double Moves

Clutch Performers

Disturbingly Sexual Fantasy Baseball Team Names

Because I am a big whore to the search engine traffic. As always, these should fit in the standard Yahoo naming space. (Today's, by the way, was inspired by an old league-mate who actually did call his team the Carpet Crawlers, mostly because he was that much of a Peter Gabriel fan. Get done with your freaky spermy self, though I think the original version was a better version. Besides, this video doesn't even have a longhaired geek getting burned at the stake, so how could can it be?)



South Side Browns

Taco Eaters

Old Town Teabaggers

Fightin' Sodomites

Carpet Crawlers

Donkey Punchers

Mustache Waxers (narrowly beating out the Mustache Riders)

Spunky Brewsters

Scat Attack

Water Sportsmen

Awful Topical Fantasy Baseball Team Names

Because I am a big whore to the search engine traffic. As always, these should fit in the standard Yahoo naming space.

The Other 103

Roiddog Millionaires

Beat You Like Rihanna

Octuplets Plus One

Joe The Owner

Vast Stimulus Package

The New Puppy

Madoff Pyramids

NO! NO! DON'T SHUT...

Republican Response

Your Last Best List Of Fantasy Football Team Names

The following fit no theme and serve no purpose other than to satisfy the hordes of you who still seem stuck for a name, but hey... if you are this far into the process without a name, you're probably hosed anyway. Take a name and get back to your draft prep, rook. (Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes -- all of these should fit in the standard Yahoo! team space.)

Pop Up Blockers

Jon Gruden's Offenses

The Back In Motion

Manning Family Secret

No Coast Offense

Wacky Wiccan Wyches

US Olympic Football

Lorenzon Food Bankers

Post Game Spreaders

Joe Gibbs Forgets

The Hate Starts Now

The Cardinals' Year

Jobbing For Pay

Covering Her Spread

Fred Death Train Lane

Unintentional Ground

Special Team Holding

The Hoying Position

Very Long Snappers

Fearing The Turk

"Hoboken Hustle" Fantasy Football Team Names

My first experience in watching people play cards was, and I suspect this isn't entirely unique, an episode of "Happy Days." (It is the special doom of my life to remember, and admit, to such things.) In the episode, Richie loses his money in a crooked card game, only to have his father save his bacon by successfully using what they refer to as "The Hoboken Hustle" gambit. In it, you profess ignorance and sucker your opponents into overconfident betting, especially on small pots. Then, with the trap baited, you cut them off at the knees when the pot is meaningful.

As always, these fit within the Yahoo! standard game limit, and only for truly confident (overconfident? naturally) players.

Kickers Early and Late

Nothing But Head Cases

Yahoo Default Rankings

Preseason Importance

2007 Will Repeat

Small College Only

Acadmeic Achievers

Genius Level Math

There Will Be Grit

Astrology Matches

Ouija Draft Board

Magic Underwear Men

God's Will Be Done

Guys The Truth Likes

Politically Correct Fantasy Football Team Names

Normally I don't go for PC bashing, because you wind up giving aid and comfort to people who really don't need, want, or deserve it... but let's face it, the guys that are playing fantasy football could care less about offending anyone, and to not serve their naming needs would be, well, offensive.

Besides, one of these might get that overly serious progressive in your league to crack a smile, assuming his granola girlfriend lets him enter the league at all. (And yes, I do have one specific person in my life in mind...)

As always, all names should fit in the Yahoo space limit.

Low Penalty Footprint

Pacifism Challenged

W/Cruelty Free Leather

Plus Sized Receivers

Fast Defense Advance

Uniquely Able Teams

Place Kick Hims

Male Gland Control

Time Of Non-Sharing

Washington Just Skins

Truly Intimidating Fantasy Football Team Names

Looking to inspire fear among your fellow fantasy football nerdlings? Then just use one of our handy-dady names from this here list of violence, mayhem and hate. You might not win, but someone else will certainly lose! (As always, all names fit in the standard Yahoo spacing.)

I've Killed Before

Burning Flesh Fresh

Gun and Tower Fun

End Times Ballers

Vig Collectors

Baby Eaters

Eye Contacts Fist

Special Turk Visit

Drink And Get Stabby

OJ Is My Hero

Oakland Raider Fan

Organ Harvesters

You Will Become Ill

Money or Thumbs

League Commissioner

Fantasy Football Team Names That Could Get You Laid

Judging by the site traffic these days, many of you are looking for a fantasy football team name, and as always, we're here to help... and we're setting the bar high, dammit.

Use these names to overwhelm your Dungeons & Dragons-esque social handicap. Just remember to thank us when you get some, preferably in the throes of passion, and post it on YouTube. We don't ask for much. As always, they all fit in the Yahoo limit.

High Flex Position

Punt, Pass and Cuddle

My Only Diversion

Cash I Win For You

Handcuffs Optional

Colt 45 Defense

Jason Taylor Dancers

I Also Cook And Clean

Monogamy Insurance

Required For Work

Punishment Names

Back in the '90s, before Donald Sterling was even pretending to try with the Clippers (we knew it as The Stanley Roberts Era), I had a simple but potent idea that would prevent tanking.

Here goes: if you were the last place team in your division that year, the next year, you had to be known as the Clippers -- no matter where you were from. So we'd have six Clipper teams a year (or seven, in the event of the Original Clips not finishing in the cellar). If this system were in place, the Celtics wouldn't have won the championship last year -- that'd be a Boston Clipper Crown. Which I think would have been easier for all of us to take, really. It also would (usually) work as a public service to a time-stressed partial season ticket plan holder, and prevent the media from ever taking the Knicks seriously, since they'd frequently by Clippers instead.

Anyway, just because the Assocation does not cop to my mad genius (they called me mad! mad! mad, I tell you!) does not mean that your fantasy league can't benefit. So feel free to saddle your cellar dweller with one of these kill to avoid monickers. This list is chosen for football, since that's what's filling up these days (and speaking of which, my auction / keeper league has slots open if you are so inclined -- email me at dmt shooter at gmail dot com).

Cardinals

Temple Owls

Frenchies

Republican Guards

Hobbits

Klingons

Rainbow Warriors

Oilers

Marching Band

Redskins

OK, that last one's just low. No one should be called the Redskins.

Topical And Awful Fantasy Football Team Names

Ready to doom yourself to a wince-tastic fantasy team name that will seem clever now, but identify you as a Clara Peller-esque purveyor of idiocy later? You've come to the right Web site, my friend. Step on down and try these on for size! (As always, all names fit within the standard Yahoo size limits, and you are welcome.)

McCain and Ables

Sikahema You Alls

Vick's Soapy Turnovers

I Went Number Four

Pac Man's Golden Rain

Brady Cat Fraidy Cats

John Hannah Montana

Give 'Em The Shockey

Tough As Phil Rivers

Najeh Forever

Epic Drop: Top 10 Name Candidates for the new Oklahoma City NBA Team

Your link awaits, and I'm looking forward to someone getting really offended that I'm going to Tim McVeigh for comedy. Domestic terror always gives the giggle!

Epic Drop: Top 10 Fantasy Football Naming Conventions

Your link today is actually helpful, or at least might be, assuming you think that more time spent on your fantasy football team is helpful. Oh, who am I kidding? I just helped you waste more of your day at work. And mine, too. I feel bad. Seriously.

Third Cousin of Awful (But Topical) Fantasy Baseball Team Names

As always, all of these fit within the 20 character Yahoo Sports limit.

There Will Be Dingers

Jesse Levis Scouting

The Team To Beat

Yes We Can

Joba Rules I Drool

What Would Curt Do?

Fighting Indictments

Writers Strikes

New Arena Or Move

Brokered Conventions

Las Vegas Needles

The Team For Change

The Salisbury Brand

Put Elijah Dukes Up

No Team For Old Men