7-75 and Justice

Here's a fun thing to keep track of during the NBA season: will the stolen team that used to be the Seattle Supersonics set the new league record for utter futility?

With a 2-21 start to the season and precious few good players -- you've got Kevin Durant as the new empty calorie scoring source who doesn't make anyone better, Jeff Green as the reputed defensive ace who really can't shoot enough to deserve minutes, and Russell Westbrook, who has NBA quicks but a breathtakingly bad 37% shooting percentage. And those are the promising young players.

So they don't shoot it well. They also don't have handle it, with 15+ giveaways a game. They give points back at the free throw line. Their shot blocking is among the league's worst, and the home court advantage they were supposed to have from a rapturous crowd hasn't materialized either; 1-11 there, 1-10 on the road. They've fired the first coach and gotten no bump from that, either.

Now, realistically, they probably will pick it up a bit later, and get the eight wins they need in their last 59 games to avoid historic ineptitude. They've played more games than most other teams, which means they've had less practice time and more back to backs. In the second half of the season, they'll play more games that are out of it, and probably catch a few wins where they simply want it more than their opponents.

But they really are quite bad, and given their patronage and ownership, I'm going to be rooting for them to lose every game, and for Durant to leave skid marks on his way out of town after Year Three of his rookie contract.

It is, after all, only what they deserve.

The Giants Are Doomed

Seriously, NFL quarterbacks? Don't you realize that when you whore yourselves out to metrosexual photo shoots, you insult the great gods of football karma, not to mention the much greater god of homophobic opposing defensive linemen?

Giants Fan, remember, he won a Super Bowl for you. So that means you just have to lie back and enjoy it as he takes advantage of everything he's got coming to him. The Stetson-style ads, the supermodel dalliances, the wince-inducing endorsements, the inclusions among the world's most beautiful people, and the steadily increasing knowledge that no matter what, he's going to give people like me a never-ending amount of ammunition for snark. And since my QB (Donovan McNabb) is way past the event horizon for He's So Dweamy, I don't have to worry about anything more than the Chunky Vomit endorsement.

But by all means, Eli, work in some more mousse...

So much for karma

This site doesn't say much about hockey, of course, but it should be noted... the Red Wings had their Stanley Cup merchandise released before clinching, which is one of the great karmic no-nos. They also clinched tonight.

So, keep it in mind the next time this happens, because you know that it will...

Hey Mizzou Fan!

After the BCS announcement show last night, I now know for sure that there is a God. And he has a great sense of humor. Being part of the Kansas alumni out there I received all kinds of grief from Mizzou fans last week. Telling me about KU's weak schedule, how the Jayhawks couldn't win when it mattered, and how they didn't want to hear any excuses about missed field goals or one bad half. I think my favorite was this email (one of many) I received last week from a Mizzou grad:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius(real men of genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Excuse Ridden Over-Confident Kansas Football Fan. Eleven straight wins, you wore that classy "Muck Fizzou" shirt like you meant it (Pinch me, I'm dreamin'!)

A season of bloated statistics and over-hyped wins against Junior Varsity competition (Serve another cupcake!)

Losing to a superior team with better players is no match for your what-if scenarios and could-have-been dreams (The field goal missed by inches!)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light you emphatic engineer of excuses.After all, you would've won the game if it was played somewhere else!

(Mr Excuse Ridden Over-Confident Kansas Football Fan.)

OK, fair enough. Now do me the decency and return the favor. I don't want to hear about how your team was robbed, how it wasn't fair that KU got to go to the BCS and you didn't because they beat the Jayhawks, and again the crappy non-conference schedule that KU played. As usual, at least in my experiences with Mizzou, they are upset because KU was smarter than they were. Under the current BCS setup you should play a soft non-conference schedule. This allows your school to go to a big bowl game in Miami while your school gets to go freeze its ass off in Dallas. Oh, and don't have your team run it's mouth about how OU got lucky the first time and then lose by 21 points. It's bad form.

There is one ray of light for you Mizzou fan. The Big 12 has 2 teams in the BCS - that's a payout of $34 million to the conference which you get a cut! You're used to the subsidy KU provides you with all of the Final Four runs, so it shouldn't be hard to accept a handout from their football team as well.