The Vegetarian Menace

Now, when you look at the following clip, you probably think it's just one more baseball slap fight. This one's in better video quality than most.



Sure, you could put it in the teammate on teammate file with Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis in Boston, Dioner Navarro and Matt Garza in Tampa Bay, and Michael Bennett and Carlos Zambrano in Chicago. Those are just the ones off the top of my head; I'm sure there hav been others.

But what's really going on here is Fielder giving in to the inevitable homicidal rage that takes over all vegetarians. From Hitler to McCartney, as well as the classic passive aggressive types like Gandhi and Schweitzer, the practice of not eating meat just leads to blowouts like this. Someone slip some veal in Fielder's tofu, and all will be well in Brew Town.

(The fact that I've named my roto baseball league The House of Meat has nothing to do with this assessment.)

3rd and Lebensraum

Far be it for me to look this gift horse video in the mouth. But it could have gone so much farther. Where's the turn by Wade Philiips as Sergeant Schultz? The Goebbels-like big lies of ex-Cowboy announcers on Fox? The twisted experiments to get Jimmy Johnson's hair to look like that? The goose-step touchdown celebrations for Mssrs. Owens Et Al?

You know, folks, in the wake of Masshole Puling, we've forgotten all about the Cowboys year. 13-3, and yet all they will be remembered for is the following.



(This would be your cue to wave your lighter in the air, though I suspect it's all cell phones now. Sway a little, too.)



And forgetting the Cowboys epic choke job and loss at home would be... wait for it... wait for it... just not fair!

Whoa, Budny! Top 10 Ways Commissioner Bud Selig Has Made MLB Better

10. (Sound of crickets)

9. I'll just fill this one in later. I'm sure it will come to me.

8. A lot of places have new stadiums.

But they cost you 2-3X more than seeing the game in the old one, and they're usually paid for with corporate welfare. Oh well.

7. Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame...

but neither is Buck O'Neill.

6. Hey, does anyone want to run out for ice cream in the middle of this list?

I could sure go for some ice cream.

5. I guess interleague play sells tickets. Maybe. And my A's usually crush teams during it.

But it also compromises the schedule, and gives as many bad matchups as good ones. So.

4. Lots more international talent in the game now.

Which I can't imagine Bud has had any impact in getting.

Also, it means that teams in big markets have extra de facto farm leagues. So, not so much.

3. Never allowed labor and big market vs. small market stupidity to create a work stoppage that canceled the World... oh, crap.

2. Maybe the wild card has made baseball more relevant to more cities, later in the year.

But the watered-down pennant races kind of crush that. Anyway.

1. Didn't do as bad of a job as Don King or Gary Bettman....

or, for that matter, Hitler.

Now, one more time, let's all give the Budny Cheer...

Unfortunate

http://www.nj.com/sports/ledger/index.ssf?/base/sports-1/1175233508107850.xml&coll=1
For non-clickers -- Tom Coughlin just compared his treatment in the NY media last year to being on par with Adolph Hitler. No, really!

Here's the meat of the quote, from the Associated Press:

When he was asked at the NFC coaches breakfast by a football Web site reporter whether he paid attention to what was being said about him last season, Coughlin replied: "I hear some of it and I see it. You know (VP of communications Pat) Hanlon tells me about it, what's going on." Then, he paused, and said, "Hitler and then me, in that order. Unfortunate, but it is."

Five (Tool Tool) points from this...

1) The full 2007 NFL schedule has not yet been released, so we don't know yet if there will be a bi-coastal battle of the Coach Hitlers, aka Giants-49ers. Make it happen, NFL! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

2) Can we stretch this analogy further? Cause we are so seeing Jeremy Shockey as Goebbels, Eli Manning as Goering, and Tiki Barber as Albert Speer. (We know our Nazis!)

3) Are any other Eagles fans ready to make Jerry Jones into Tojo and Daniel Snyder into Mussolini? E-mail your Photoshop works here. This is a *community* effort, people.

4) Did we inspire this with our Martin ("No one left to speak for me") Niemöller post about booing? We so totally did.

5) Who is the Leni Riefenstahl of the Giants? Not saying we're into the whole whips and leather boots and... um... we've probably said too much. (Photoshop Photoshop PhotoShop!)