Today's link is good fun, especially if you enjoy provoking the Jabba the Hut-esque Romeo Crennel. What is it with the state of Ohio and the sudden and shocking devolution of head coaches? This state needs a mercy killing. Someone just set the river on fire again, OK?
Brady Quinn signs with the Browns.
Now, all that is left is to determine whether his holdout will have irreparably damaged his NFL career, crippled his team, or merely ensured that he'll be a bust. The future is wide open!
to hold out for Top 10 Draft Pick Money. (The image is from Kissing Suzy Kolber's reader Dan V.)
All kidding aside, if you had to play for the Browns, wouldn't you be looking for as much money as possible?
10. JD Drew
9. Barry Bonds
8. Stephon Marbury
7. Brett Favre
6. Terrell Owens
5. Dirk Nowitzki
4. Barry Zito
3. Kobe Bryant
2. Eli Manning
and the number one pick, to the point of making the rest of the list meaningless...
1. Brady Quinn
H/T, Deadspin.
Dear Young Athletes,
We’re going to make this short and to the point, because we know that you can’t read anything that’s too long.
Your MySpace page? Delete it.
Your sex video? Burn it.
Your friends with cameras cell phones who drink with you?
Destroy their phones.
And in the future, drink only in an unlit cave.
Unfair? Sure.
Paranoid? Yes indeedy.
A stinging rebuke to the freedoms and dreams that you have spent most of your waking life hoping to achieve? Who writes your inner monologues, anyway?
From now on, just do what any number of scared straight fundie kids have done – commit yourself to the belief that A VENGEFUL GOD IS WATCHING YOU EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF THE DAY, AND IS JUST LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO SEND YOUR SORRY ASS STRAIGHT TO HELL.
AND HE’S GOT A CELL PHONE CAMERA.
Then, and only then, will you have the chance – just the chance – of getting through your public years with a trace amount of dignity.
Failing that, you could always wear a mask. Sunglasses. And a big hat.
Love,
Your Friends at FTT
