Top 12 reasons why David Stern vetoed the Chris Paul trade

12) Has been playing in whiny fantasy leagues on the side, and thought this trade happened in one of those

11) The trade displeased Dan Gilbert, and Dan Gilbert is the master of all time and space

10) Knows that Lamar Odom would never accept the Gulf of Mexico as a substitute for the Pacific Ocean

9) Needs to keep that much Gasol away from one time zone

8) Mark Cuban called in a favor to keep the Rockets down

7) This makes it easier to move the Bugs to Seattle for the next commissioner

6) It's a make-good to the hardline owners who are really, really bitter that the regular season is going to happen after all

5) Completely unfamiliar with Paul's injury history, desire to go to a team with a history and media market, or how NBA stars play when they are forced to put up with a no-win situation

4) Tired of superstars going to big market teams, because last year's NBA season, with the riveting playoffs and higher ratings, was just no fun

3) Convinced that seven months of Chris Paul is worth more than a decade of utility from useful complementary players

2) Knows that it's actually a terrible trade for the Lakers, and the NBA exists only to keep Boston and Los Angeles on top

1) Wants Paul to retire as a Hornet, kind of like how Brandon Roy is retiring as a Blazer