Top 10 takeaways from the Miguel Cabrera DUI Arrest

10) Florida police did not know who he was, which is a real shame, since that might have fixed the whole problem

9) Cabrera's lucky that the cops didn't shoot him, since he asked them to, and if you do that, the cops are totally allowed to fire away

8) When your DUI arrest report is 41 pages long, with audio and video, you've gotten your money's worth

7) Florida's finest just hate your fantasy baseball team

6) On some level, you have to admire the confidence of a drunk driver who is throwing back Scotch as he talks to the cops

5) After the year the Lions and Pistons have had, Detroit Fan isn't even phased by this

4) It's only a matter of time before someone Auto-Tunes the arrest video

3) If this causes his jersey sales to spike, that's not a very good sign for our country

2) Making him walk a straight line, say the alphabet backwards and drop a bunt was probably unfair

1) If you threaten to kill someone, but are rich and drunk, all you need to do is apologize to make everything OK