205 Drop: Top 10 compliments an athlete never wants to hear

Today's drop is an exercise in the earlier, funny work, and this posting symbolizes this posting. If you get either of those references, you're probably even older than me, and really shouldn't be reading sports blogs. Waka waka!

But seriously, folks... the first joke in this yuck-a-thon comes from the longstanding Blogfrican obsession with Derek Jeter's love life. The Yankee captain has had an amazing run of prime grade Manhattan tail in his decade-plus run in the Bronx, and the persistent rumor that he also has a persistent STD (specifically, herpes) has been, well, persistent. Which leads to a larger point:

Is this in any way sports, and should anyone who is not turning two with Jeet care?

The answers appear to be no and no... unless you (a) believe athletes are role models, or (b) think that Jeet's performance between the lines has been compromised by his work between the sheets. Either belief seems wrong in this day and age; if Jeet can somehow manage to keep his name off a list of Steroid Achievers, he's going to practically qualify for sainthood, especially given how many of his teammates have gone for Pharmaceutical Rejuvenation over the years. He hasn't even made the mistake of being married while sleeping around, which is one of those Old Testament sins that doesn't seem to get much in the way of condemnation anymore. In just about every way, the man has been untouchable; even his season-ending outs and range-free defense have gotten a pass, and I'm sure if this post gets in the wrong eyes, I'll have any number of Yankee Fans telling me how much I suck. (Rest assured, Yankee Fan, it is much, and I'm just an A's Fan who will go to his grave cursing Jeremy Freaking Giambi.)

You can also, at this point, wonder if we do ourselves a disservice by knowing anything about athletes off the field. Jenny Diski said this better than I could in the June 29 London Review of Books, in covering a book about the late singer Nina Simone:

Increasingly, I wonder if we wouldn't do better without biography. Of course we want to know roll other people's stories and roll around in distant tragedy, but the pairing of talent and life too often suffers from banal, received assumptions based on ghastly popular psychology. The thing about Simone isn't her mental illness, whatever that might have been, or her bad temper; the thing about Simone to anyone who did not know her personally, is her recordings, or having witnessed one of the really good concerts she gave. Reading this biography and knowing much more about her life hasn't improved her music one bit.

And now that we've completely ran afoul of what people read sports blogs for... just go read the funny, OK?