Golf Tee Times Now Being Taken

Tonight in Toronto, the playoff-bound Sixers dropped their fifth in a row, this one to the going nowhere Raptors. Toronto led for most of this one, despite playing people like Quincy Douby (he wasn't good enough to stay with Sacramento), Patrick O'Bryant (wasn't good enough for the, um, Warriors) Joey Graham and Anthony Parker. And it's not like the Sixers had nothing to play for, either, as the entire second tier of the Eastern Conference has been stumbling to the finish, and more than giving everyone repeated opportunities to avoid the Big Three of Cleveland, Orlando and Boston in the first round. The loss cements the 5 spot for the Heat, who will enjoy the Hawks like nobody's business.

I get that teams get tired in April, and that guys on 10-day contracts (like, well, Douby) can seem like world beaters. However, this Sixers team is a flat-out terrible matchup for the Cavs, don't fare much better against the Magic, and won't show up on the road in Boston, either. Their best and only chance to get to the Final 8, which matters on some level, just because plane crashes do happen, was to draw the Hawks in Round 1, and have Andre Miller wear Mike Bibby like a cheap suit.

Instead, Miller threw enough bricks to open a warehouse (he started 2 for 14), the team continued to look like it had no clue what to do without Thaddeus Young on the floor, and the age-old bugaboos -- three point shooting and from the line -- overwhelmed one of those periodic Samuel Dalembert Cares games. I love Lou Williams, and he might be the best bench guard in the league this year, but when he's your best guard, it's not going to end well. For a team that gets to the free throw line with strong penetration, you just wish they'd, well, make more of them. They made a late run, as they almost always do because they do have heart, to cut a 14-point fourth quarter lead to 4, but didn't make the plays in the last two minutes to avoid their fifth straight loss.

I'm not really all that bent out of shape, though. Without Elton Brand doing much of anything this year, and after a coach firing, the home town team will still make the playoffs and presumably care enough to make someone break a sweat. With Young back next year, and Marrese Speights a year older, they should be better again. Coach Tom DiLeo might be more effective with a training camp. Of the principals, only Miller appears to be in any danger of being on the downside of his career.

And yet, well, there's just no excuse for losing to a kitten-soft team like the Raps, even on the road, when you need the game and they don't. When they find themselves losing in the first round when this could have easily been the year when they made a small step forward... well, it matters. If, for no other reason, than what it says about their prospects in 2010 and beyond. Losing five in a row to equal your worst stretch of the season in April... well, don't give Philly Fan much grief for not selling out the building in Game Three of their playoff series, OK?

Old and In The News

A fairly intriguing trade in the Association this week, as the Heat moved past-his-prime energy player extraordinaire Shawn Marion to the Raptors for perpetually injured under-performing center Jermaine O'Neal. Also involved: Forward Jamario Moon, aka the only Globetrotter to play in the Association in years, and guard Marcus Banks, who is on his fifth team in five years, mostly because he has a hideously overpriced contract and the kind of physical gifts that have led several organizations to think that They Can Mold Him. This is where teams in the Association resemble MLB teams with left-handed pitchers that can throw the ball 90 miles an hour, regardless of the actual results.

Anyway, we're going to ignore Moon and Banks, even though Jamario probably deserves better than that, because I'm Just That Way.

For the Raptors, Shawn Marion gets reunited with GM Bryan Colangelo, who had him during his glory years in the desert. Unfortunately, he's now 30, and a hard 30 given the minutes and way he plays the game, and it's a very open question as to whether he can be anything meaningful without Steve Nash feeding him 5 dunks a game. Fantasy guys love him because he provides good across the board numbers, especially on defense, and in reality, he doesn't demand the ball much, or hurt you in any category.

He's also probably a better fit in Toronto with Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani on the front line, and the Raps do try to play up-tempo, so there's a chance that point guard Jose Calderon could bring him back a little. He was available because he didn't sign a long-term deal with the Heat last year, probably because someone told him how valued he was in fantasy basketball, and he took that to heart.

The Raps may be a better team with Marion, but it's hard to see their end of this as being more than the $3 million they got back in the deal (the most you can get in a trade under Association rules), or just trying to make Bosh happier for when he becomes a free agent in the fabled 2010 free agent class.

And oh, by the way? Lots of luck with that one. I get that it's rare for a top guy to leave, but the plain and simple fact is that Toronto should be like Utah; a less-than-ideal destination for African-American stars to play, with the rare exception of a franchise guy. When you have the fun of customs and cold weather, it just seems more likely for you to retain international talent that doesn't want/need to be involved in big commercial off-the-court deals. Of all of the guys in the 2010 class, I still think that Bosh is the most likely to move, unless the Raps catch lightning with this trade and go deep in the playoffs. Anyway, let's move on to the Heat's part of the deal.

Jermaine O'Neal, when healthy and motivated, is one of the top six or so options at center in the Association, especially on the defensive end, where he'll give you a couple of blocks a game without trying to pad his numbers. He's also a reasonable passer out of the block than most of the black holes that play 5, and this year, he's even managed to get his free throw percentage above 80%, which is a historical weakness. The problem, of course, is the health.

O'Neal hasn't ever played over 70 games in a year since 2003-04. Whether that was because he was making a ridiculous amount of money for a Pacers team that was going nowhere fast (his salary for this year is over $21 million, which is more than a little insane, even by Association big man standards), or because he had legit injuries is pretty meaningless; he didn't show up. Like Marion, he's also 30, and also older than that in mileage terms, due to the injuries and his lack of a college career. When he's the best player you have on your team, as the Pacer Experience showed, you aren't going anywhere. It's also suspected that he might miss Calderon, as the best Heat passer is non-point guard Dwayne Wade, with 7 a game.

And now we get to the truly most important player in the trade, in that he's the best player on either the Heat or the Raps -- Wade. What Miami is trying to do here is to recreate the Wade-Shaq duo that led them to their championship by giving D-Wade an inside scorer and defensive stopper. But the trouble is that the rest of the lineup are kids who have no concept or inclination towards defense, with the exception of eternal Boxer-like power forward Udonis Haslem. In crunch time, the Heat are going to go with Wade-Haslem-O'Neal and whoever is having a reasonable game from the platter of Michael Beasley, Daequan Cook, Mario Chalmers and eight other guys (!) that are somehow averaging over 10 minutes a game. It's a far cry from the days when they'd trot out vets like Alonzo Mourning, Antoine Walker (who, for the record, tried when he was in Miami), Eddie Jones and Brian Grant.

If O'Neal and Wade can stay healthy, and maybe help to reign in Beasley (quietly terrible, especially in comparison to OJ Mayo in Memphis, who would have been outstanding here next to Wade), the Heat could surprise in the playoffs. If nothing else, betting against D-Wade in a short series is less than advisable. But in the long run, the biggest trade in the Association this year is unlikely to change the balance of power in the East, either this year or the next... because you just don't do that by moving 30-year-old guys whose best days are behind them.

You'd think he'd be used to this by now

This would be Tracy McGrady, who has never won a playoff series in his whole danged NBA career, in last night's game against the Jazz.

Utah came into the series as a terrible, terrible road team, and despite being the 4 seed, had a worse record, so they didn't get home court.

Do I really need to tell you that the Jazz punked the Rockets again on their home court, and are now up 2-0 in the best of seven?

No, I didn't. T-Mac did it for me. By existing, before the playoffs even began.(And yes, he had 23, 13 and 9 in the loss, and when your second best teammate was 35-year-old Bobby Jackson and you're actually starting the withered spirit of Dikembe Mutumbo... well, I'm just kicking myself for not picking Utah in a sweep.)

And to think, Raptors Fan was bent when this guy took Orlando's money and ran, soon to be followed by the similarly heartless Vinsanity Carter. Two steps back, three steps forward, Dino Fan...

Macbethketball: The 2008 NBA Playoff Preview

Recently, I took the Shooter Wife to see Patrick Stewart (yes, Star Trek's Captain Jean-Luc Picard -- shut up, he's actually a fantastic Shakespearean actor) in Macbeth, which is playing on Broadway as a straight drama. It was freaking awesome. The show has gotten great reviews, and Macbeth was always one of my favorites in high school and college. Hamlet's OK and all, but for sheer blood and guts, you aren't getting better than the guy with the wife with the hand problem. Spoiler alert: the play ends with Macbeth's enemies parading around with his bloody, decapitated head. It's hard to mess that up, and they don't.

Anyway, I figure if people can milk crappy movies and worse reality shows for blog grist, far be it from me to look a gift witch in the mouth. So without further toil or trouble, here's your Scottish Playoff Preview for a season in which there will be blood.

Chance may crown me: The (L)Eastern Conference

False face must hide what the false heart doth know: Celtics (1) vs. Hawks (8)

Now that the Pacers have managed to just miss getting that coveted 8th seed evisceration at the hands of the latest New England overlords (and no, I'm not going to notice how the Bruins are also in the playoffs, because that would involve watching hockey)... well, can Kevin McHale and Larry Bird just drop the act and admit that they are still on the Celtics payroll? Admittedly, it's far more obvious with McHale, but after giving away Kevin Garnett for less than what he could have gotten from Western Conference teams, it should be obvious -- no trades allowed for GMs with strong ties to a team from their playing days. Or, even better yet,no GMs allowed who used to be players. (And before you rub my nose with Joe Dumars, imagine that Pistons team with Carmelo Anthony or Chris Bosh. Instead, you got Darko. Gahhh.)

Astute readers will notice that I've said nothing about the Hawks so far. Or since. (But on the plus side, it's 4 more games than you've had for what, decades?) Celtics in 4.

Blood Will Have Blood: Detroit (2) vs. Philadelphia (7)

Here's a little-realized fact: the Pistons have ended the Sixers last two playoff appearances, first in 2002-03, and again in 2004-05. As both of those teams were in the waning days of AI1 and involved copious amounts of Larry Brown Hangover, it really does seem like a long time ago, but they really aren't... because those Pistons teams and this one do pretty similar things. The first being half-court defense, the second being taking care of the ball, and third being hitting their free throws when they need to ice the game late.

Philly actually matches up reasonably well with this Pistons team, since Sam Dalembert and Reggie Evans give them reasonable big man defense, and the backcourt duel between Miller/Iguodala vs. Hamilton/Billips is just old-school pleasure. But when the Pistons go to the bench, the Sixers can't match the energy. Also, sadly, Mo Cheeks just isn't that great of an in-game coach, and the percentages (i.e., the Sixers are bad from 3 and the line) will just cost them 5 to 7 points a game that they won't be able to get back. Pistons in 6.

Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under 't: Magic (3) vs. Raptors (6)

Orlando won 52 games for the first time since Shaq was young and frisky and working with Dwayne Wade 1.0 (aka Penny Hardaway), and Dwight Howard is Superman and all. But the Dinos can come closer than most to neutralizing him with Chris Bosh, seriously exploit the Magic at point guard, and sic Jamario Moon on the phenomenally overpaid Rashard Lewis.

The Magic will need good play from Hedo Turkoglu, and while he's been gret this year, the track record of ex-Kings in the playoffs (see Peja, Airball) isn't a good one. There's also this: Toronto has a sneaky great home court advantage, and Jose Calderon is playing out of his mind right now. They might even get something out of Rasho Nesterovic (epic contract run) and Andrea Bargani (who is a terrible rebounder for a 7-footer, but a pretty good rebounder for someone named Andrea). Raptors in 6.

Something Wicked This Way Comes: Cleveland (4) vs. Washington (5)

Ever since the Tim Donaghy Spurs/Suns abomination, conspiracy theorists have been able to do anything they want with the NBA, because it's all on the table now. This year's fuel for the suspicious will be the return engagement of LeBron James and raising a supporting cast that, while better than nearly all of the teams in the D-League, would still have a fight on its hands to win the championship there. How bad are the Cavs without Lebron? Well, Joe Smith is probably your go-to guy in crunch time. No, really.

They get the same Wizards team that they've ran through before, in a repeat of an oddly entertaining match-up that saw pre-surgery Agent Zero nearly match King James in a no-defense dance dance revolution. The Wiz are a more balanced team now, since they've had to live without Arenas all year, and Caron Butler and Antwan Jamison are under-the-radar great. But even if I didn't believe in conspiracies, I do believe that James is the best player in the Association. Cavs in 6.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair: The West

Is This A Dagger I See Before Me: Lakers (1) vs. Nuggets (8)

Nothing is quite so fun for this little blogger than choosing a preference for the good teammate who has won a playoff series recently without doing the trade-me keep-me trade-me do se do over, you know, Alleged Rapist Kobe Bryant. I have people still blasting me out of the blue for thinking LeBron is more valuable for winning 45 games with Boobies, Smiths and the dessicated remains of Ben Wallace, rather than winning 57 with what was frequently the best front court in the West.

Yes, Kobe Lovers, I am feeling the burn. And so is your man, scrubbing his hands raw trying to look like a good teammate and decent human being. Sorry. We're not buying it. And in two years, when Lamar Odom has smoked his third strike, Andrew Bynum still isn't the guy you thought he'd be and the Lake Show are back on that 6th seed, one and done treadmill? The spot will still be there, Lady 8.

Anyway... the Nuggets might be the best offensive team ever to have an 8 seed, and if they were in the East, they might do damage. But they can't stop the Lake Show big men, Carmelo Anthony's DUI is really not well timed, and 9 times out of 10, when Kobe wants to put the clamps on Iverson late in the game, he succeeds. Lakers in 5.

Too Full O' The Milk of Human Kindness: Hornets (2) vs. Mavs (7)

It's been a great year for the Hornets, who rode MVP candidate Chris Paul to an 56-26 record and a 2nd seed in the West. David West is the best player in the Association that no one knows about, Tyson Chandler has completely blossomed now that he has a real honest to goodness point guard, and even cranky 'ol Peja Stojakovic has looked frisky.

And I was so sure it was going to end early. But then they went and got the perfect draw -- Dallas.

Let us say this plainly: Jason Kidd can't stay in front of Chris Paul. The Mavs would be better off sending Josh Howard -- or Curly Howard -- at CP3. So while The Hornets do not have the kind of home court or playoff experience that translates to a long run, especially when your grizzled playoff vet (Peja) has a lot of playoff experience in which he self-Heimliched, I can't pick against them. Even with Dirk Nowitzki looking MVPish lately.

It'll be close and grueling and you are crazy if you bet it, and that's amazing for a 2-7 matchup. But not so amazing when only 5 games separate them in the loss column. It also won't really matter who wins, because they are going down in the second round anyway. But for the record, Hornets in 7.

Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? / Out, damned spot! out, I say! All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand: Spurs (3) vs. Suns (6)

Here's how crazy the West is: the difference in the won-loss column between the 3 and 6 seeds is a game. One freaking game. We are also, of course, revisiting the scene of last year's crime, with the Tim Donaghy / David Stern experience. I suppose that, after the Sonic Screw Job, the Donaghy Series is no longer Stern's Greatest Atrocity, but the stain is still there...

The Suns seem to have gelled just in time, and getting the Spurs in the first round helps loads, because Mike D'Antoni seems to be actively trying to prove that benches are for Communists. The Spurs, of course, have Manu Ginobili to get all of the back-breaking late points, and their usual killer defense.

There is also the feeling, that in all of the hullabaloo of the West's upping the ante trades -- Gasol to the Lakers! Shaq to the Suns! Kidd to the Mavs! -- there's still the Spurs, sitting back and watching everyone do their little dance, knowing that they can not be killed by any man borne of a woman. Is there a C-section superstar out there?

The answer is yes, because they win every other year, not every year -- and the Association is going to give Phoenix that nowhere near equal make-up call here. Besides, you were expecting a Macbeth-themed preview to go well for Duncan? Suns in 6.

Double, Double toil and Trouble: Utah (4) vs. Houston (5)

Ah, Tracy McGrady in a winnable first round series. I'd say more, but why?

OK, fine... Deron Williams will treat Rafer Alston like the Macbeths treat their house guests, and while Andrei Kirilenko and Mehmet Okur are just waiting to kill Jerry Sloan with DNP-Choke Decisions in a playoff series, it won't be in the first round. But really, once Yao went down, I've been waiting for the Rockets to die; team play and good defense are great, but the playoffs are about stars, and T-Mac's just not that guy. Williams, on the other hand, is. Jazz in 6.

Bonus Quotes for the Bard Enthusiast...

Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased / Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow / Raze out the written troubles of the brain / And with some sweet oblivious antidote / Cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff / Which weighs upon the heart?

Macbeth's pathetic plea to a doctor to fix his wife from her guilt-crazed wanderings goes to the Mavs, and that was before they had Kidd with his marital woes.

I have almost forgot the taste of fears. -- The Spurs. Yup, I'm just not feeling a repeat.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

The first round, assuming one of these exceptional series goes the full 7 games, concludes in a lightning-fast 17 days from now. If you've ever wondered why NBA teams don't really work on developing their bench the way they used to, it's simple: the playoff scheduling in the modern cable era has meant that it's really not important.

And finally, jumping ahead to the begetting of the new king...

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage / And then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

The finest speech in the history of nihilism goes for... everyone except the (sigh) Celtics. Short of LeBron playing the finest basketball of his life in a Round 2 matchup, or Detroit rolling back the clock in the same third round where they completely ran out of gas last year, they won't really be tested until the Finals. Once they are there, they will get a team/survivor that has been through the meat grinder for two months.

Combine that with their suffocating defense and sneakily tolerable bench, and you've got something that even Doc Rivers can't screw up.

(And if you are seeing this as another Masstermind-level ploy to help break the hearts of Massholes... well, false heart and all that.)