Bronco Fan's Year Just Keeps Getting Better

Let's just make this very clear, Bronco Fan: the 2009 season is not going to go well for you. The schedule involves the NFC East, which will roll you. The Chargers get Shawn Merriman back, which means their defense will have some bite. The Chiefs can't be that bad again, especially now that they have a coach that isn't named Herm Edwards. The Raiders... well, OK, there's still the Raiders. Your big move on defense was to bring in a high-priced safety that can't run well enough to do pass coverage anymore. Your big move on offense was to shoot yourself in the head by alienating your franchise quarterback, then to draft a running back when your system has proven that anyone with a pulse can put up numbers in that position. Your coach is responsible for the QB exile, and is way too damned young and arrogant to win at this level.

But on the plus side, you'll also be wearing this for two games next year. Yes, the consensus choice for the worst uniform in sports history, with some kind of Mutant Mustard Man with bumblebee socks. But on the plus side, the colors match what a young child will produce (I change enough diapers to know where I speak).

On some level, you have to wonder if this entire thing is meant to be a psychological stress test on new safety Brian Dawkins. I get that the man is sleeping on a bed of stupid money, and is basically a year or two from retirement, but this can't be what he signed up for, is it? A nice little 8-8 year, maybe a playoff game or two, media mouth jobs giving him the John Lynch Love-In and with Tony Gonzalez leaving KC, Antonio Gates not really being himself anymore and the Raiders being the Raiders, that's not the worst retirement in the world. But instead, he gets to wear these clown clothes. I think the man's going to hurt himself on purpose by Halloween.

But anyway, back to the matter at eye. How bad are these jerseys? The first time the team tried to use them, the players burned them. They might want to try that again this year. Just make sure McDaniels is in the gear when you fire 'em up...

Yes and Nos on L'Affaire Cutler

(I have to be brief on this one today; too much going on outside of the blog. Yes, I suck.)

Yes, the QB is a pouting whiner who should have gotten over it.

No, Chicago Fan will not hold that against him. Seriously, after the QBs that franchise had had, Cutler could come out of the huddle wearing wings and a fluffy tail and they'd eat it up.

Yes, Coach Idiot McDaniels is on the shortest leash imaginable for a new guy in Denver, having jettisoned his team's best asset with no real back up plan in check. Chris Simms and Kyle Orton do not count, unless you're adding up losses, turnovers, and career-threatening injuries.

No, Chicago did not give up too much for him, because there is no way in hell that their first round picks will be in the top half of the draft so long as Cutler is upright.

Yes, Cutler really is worth the trouble: he's mobile, has an arm, doesn't fear the rush and productive. Head aside, there aren't five quarterbacks in the League with a brighter future ahead of them. Denver Fan will get to regret this for a decade or more, along the same way the Falcon Fan regretted the Favre Trade up until about 2003.

No, he won't be as good in Chicago, because he won't have Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal at the wideouts. But at least now he has a running back and a defense. In real terms, he'll win more games; in fantasy ones, he just dropped five spots in rank for 2009-10.

No, I'm not sold that Orlando Pace at tackle for the Bears was a great addition, because he hasn't been healthy for years. But he could have just been dogging it to get the hell out of St. Louis. It's a better gamble than most.

Yes, this does make the Bears better and a possible division winner, but I still think the Packers have the most talent in the division.

And finally... I think the Broncos will go 3-13 this year, and that McDaniels will be run out of town on a rail. Just one more genius that wasn't from the Belichick Tree.

(Oh, and there will also be a jokey hacky list link on this later in the day, because I've gotten a fresh invite from Editor Scrap of Epic Carnival infamy to whore myself out again. Time to go shave my legs.)