Top 10 reasons why Kobe Bryant is retiring

Can't Live Without The Smush

10) Wants some of that sweet Rocking Chair and Denture Grip swag

9) Wants to go out on damn near absolute bottom

8) There aren't any other reasons yet to watch this Laker team

7) Being the worst shooter in the NBA can only get you minutes for so long

6) Will finally have time to go to Colorado and find the real rapists

5) Wanted to be sure to get one last, utterly undeserved, All-Star Game appearance

4) A man can only keep up and comers like Nick Young and Lou Williams on the bench for so long

3) Can't resist playing himself in daily fantasy sites, and is getting killed

2) He's not hurt, just turrible

1) It's just not the same without teammates like Dwight Howard, Steve Nash, Gary Payton, Karl Malone, Isaiah Rider, Kwame Brown, Adam Morrison and Smush (Smush!) Parker