Top 10 Proposed New NFL Rule Changes

Jay's Got The Legs For It

10) Replay after every play, because getting every call correct matters more than anything, and the visual thrill of watching a balding middle age guy stare at a screen can not be topped

9) Biker gang style beatdowns of players who retire early for fear of head injuries now get you 15 bonus yards that a coach can use when he really, really needs them

8) Some cockamamie bonus after 2-point conversion thing that the Colts came up with just to prove to the world that the Patriots do not corner the AFC market on douche-baggery

7) If any game looks like it might end in under four hours, goes into Super Extra Replay Review Mode, where the refs walk to the sidelines as if into a stiff wind

6) Fixed cameras on all boundary lines, goal posts, front row spectators and cheerleader chests

5) Coaches who challenge plays that they do not have to, like turnovers and touchdowns, to be publicly caned (subject to the league finding a cane sponsor)

4) Both teams have to get a possession in overtime, because it's just not fair to teams that don't have a defense that could stop a special needs toddler to just lose right away

3) Taunting definition to now include mean looks, unkind uses of social media pre or post game, or all that crap your wife has been saying

2) Stadium-produced video, especially if it's done by stadiums in the "right" markets, can be used for replay reviews, and never you mind about what can or can't be done with Photoshop

1) QBs to be put in special red shirts and tutus, to better represent reality, and to throw defensive players the only bone they've received in the past 40 years