Top 10 takeaways from Derrick Rose's Latest Surgery

The Dark Future

10) There is no truth to the rumor that, to save time, doctors are putting in zippers instead of stitches this time

9) If you had February 25 in the pool, you win, and had the most optimistic entry

8) It's a torn meniscus, which other players have returned quickly from, but, um, that's clearly not going to happen here

7) Chicago only starts playing well when short-handed, so they are going to go on a run now

6) During this latest rehab, maybe Rose can work on his three-point shooting, or finding some sneaker that doesn't keep causing injury

5) This is clearly a delayed side effect of Rose playing for the national team, the single biggest knee-killer in the world today

4) That cotton-soft Eastern Conference garden path to the Finals that LeBron James enjoys every year just got a little more kitteny plush

3) It's a little mean to note that Chicago's 7-4 record without him, and Rose's 18/3/5 with 3.2 turnovers and sub 41% shooting percentage in 31 minutes a game, might be very replaceable

2) On the bright side, this will be Rose's third knee surgery, but he's going a very good job of balancing them between both knees

1) Given the number of injuries, one can forgive Rose, or Chicago Fan, for rethinking that whole Christianity thing