Top 10 reasons why the Bills signed Richie Incognito

What A (Fecal) Specimen

10) Needed his non-existent playoff experience

9) He's totally reformed from being a terrible human being and football player to being just a terrible football player

8) Tim Tebow would have been too obvious a sideshow

7) After a year off, 32-year-old guys are always super-sharp and explosive

6) 15-yard flags on offense are rare and unique experiences

5) Want to make sure they have jerseys to put in, and re-emerge from, the closets of the very worst people in town

4) Part of the NFL's remarkable decade-long conspiracy to ensure the Patriots win their division by Thanksgiving

3) Team hasn't been in the playoffs in 15 years, so they figure both are due

2) Still operating on "Tabloid Back Pages Are Better Than Wins" ethos

1) Are conflating "being a bully" with "being effective"