A Small Note To The People Who Are Excited About Watching Super Bowl Ads

And The World Is Yours

You people... you wondrous, amazing people. You really should come to my home poker game. It's a lot of fun, and every one at the table isn't any good at the game, really. You could totally win. New folks do all the time.

And I know, it's tempting to jump the gun and watch the ads online, but doesn't that seem to take away the specialness of watching commercials? I know it does for me. I need the suspense of not knowing what an ad is for in the first 90 to 95% of the spot, then getting the payoff, a small half-chuckle that's more charity than chortle, and to forget about it almost instantly, since it had nothing to do with the brand or a good or service that I might be interested in. $3.5 to $4 million for thirty seconds, though! That alone makes these ads IMPORTANT.

Don't let all of those snarky people tell you that you are a special kind of idiot for spending your time watching ads that you will be seeing on other telecasts for, well, the rest of the year. Instead, vote on your favorites! Argue with other people on the Internet (remember, first to go to CAPITAL LETTERS WINS) about it, read columns with letter grades, consider the relative merits and drawbacks of crowd sourced ads, pule that they were not as good as back in the day, and in general, act like people in a 2-day hypnotic trance where they are employed by advertising agencies.

You aren't being taken for an annual ride that proves the ever-lowering standards of the American experience and educational system! No, you're just watching the BESTUS AND MOST IMPORTANT ADS EVER. So watch them hard!