I Summon Grade Z Celebrity

Bundy Me

As something you probably could have guessed by now, what with the nearly 5,000 posts and day-in day-out toil and tending to the bloghole... I can't leave well enough alone. If something is good, I need to improve it, try something new, work some wrinkle to it, SOMETHING. Stasis is death, complacency is the enemy, and simply leaving things as they are is damned deadly difficult.

Which leads me to the upcoming fantasy draft.

I run good leagues. I pay for the oversized draft boards, the quality labels, work out the protects in advance. I make sure the room has coffee, soda, water, snacks, lunch, good chairs, tables, power, etc., etc.

But I'll tell you what I don't have, at least not up until now. An utterly random Z-list celebrity in the room for no good reason at all, just to insult and/or distract everyone for as long as he likes, before he stomps off in a cloud of Holy Crap That Actually Happened.

Like, well, who? I'm open to ideas here, folks. A legend of wrestling from my childhood? King Kong Bundy is a Jersey guy. An old broken-down Eagle who I could pay to get me a beer and/or to pick up after my dog? Mike Mamula sounds like a guy who could use the cash. An utterly random musician to act as iPod DJ? Adrian Belew has, I am sure, played worse gigs. And so on, and so on.

Why do I want this to happen? For the utter and inexplicable surreality of it all, really. If the celeb in question has no idea what a fantasy draft is, or why he's in my basement, and just spends a few minutes spouting random gibberish before grabbing a bottle of booze and fleeing... that's all good, really. If they'd like to spend a few hours goading people into bidding too much, looking at their cell phone in the vain hope that some better gig is trying to reach them, or blaming some old professional nemesis for their current low station in life...

Well, honestly, so much the better. It would make the day even more memorable, for all of us, really.

So whaddya say, fellas... make some time on Sunday the 25th? You'll be fulfilling the very random dreams of someone you don't know, mostly to freak out the other geeks in the room. And the BBQ is on me!