9) How many cars does Acura expect to sell by hiring a hectoring asshat who is more or less universally despised?
8) Hasn't Detroit suffered enough without being forced to claim ownership of Kid Rock?
7) Does the NFL Play 60 program exist to promote unrealistic expectations and obnoxious behavior in children?
6) Hasn't Pepsi hurt America's health enough by now, without having to resort to sponsoring terrible NFL team anthems?
5) How much giggling happens at the Kay Jewelers offices when they upsell diamonds that look like feces by calling them "chocolate"?
4) Are you as surprised as I am that Garmin still has enough money for Christmas ads, seeing how their entire reason for being is now a default smartphone app?
3) Can anyone explain to me why Toshiba wants to relate their products to exploding aircraft?
2) Are engagement rings from Jared so obviously tacky that they can be spotted from distance by abhorrent stewardesses?
1) Is there a single more regrettable development in recent American life than Black Friday, and the inevitable race to the bottom that is Thanksgiving Night sales?