Monday, May 23, 2011

Top 10 NFL lockout criminal acts

According to Ravens LB Ray Lewis, crime will go up if the NFL season does not happen. Unfortunately, the one-time (?) murderer (?) didn't specify which acts would happen. Which is where we come in!

10) Panthers owner Jerry Richardson caught staging gladiator blood sports on pay per view in his basement

9) Patriots owner Robert Kraft discovered to be the ringleader of a pirate movie ring, mostly dealing in the truly awful form of "hoodie" porn that Bill Belichick prefers

8) Bengals owner Mike Brown to just go for more direct theft of Cincinnati's residents by pointing shotguns at them

7) Raiders owner Al Davis to step up organ harvesting beyond the test tube stage

6) Seahawks owner Paul Allen convicted of crimes against mankind as the creative lead behind Microsoft Word's "Clippy" helper

5) The Titan's Bud Adams just starts driving around and flipping the bird to every man, woman and child in the greater Nashvile area while not wearing pants

4) The Lions' William Clay Ford conducts a home invasion and hostage ransom move against Detroit's last employed homeowner

3) The entire town of Green Bay takes turns robbing each other in a massive, coordinated and relentlessly friendly case of insurance fraud

2) Cowboys owner Jerry Jones convicted of jewelry store smash and grabs as he tries to make enough scratch to keep up the payments on his pleasure palace

1) Daniel Snyder to go on three-state crime spree as his main opportunity for evil is extinguished, but on the plus side, the final car chase and shootout gives Redskins Fan his first moment of true happiness in years

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ray Lewis was never accused, convicted, or plea bargained for murder! Get your facts right before you slander the man. He did aide someone else that was accused of murder (but never convicted) in leaving the scene of the crime.

DMtShooter said...

Hence the question marks.

Lighten up, Francis. It's a humor blog. Laugh or leave.

Anonymous said...

Hm.

Aide and Abetting Murder?

Conspiracy to Commit / Conceal.

The victims humor, was running on the Streets of Buckhead ....

Ads In This Size Rule