Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Run Bot Run

PhillieBot, a one-armed, three-wheeled robot made by wacky nerds at Penn, will throw out the first pitch before tomorrow's Brewers-Phillies game. It's all part of Science Day. OR IS THAT JUST WHAT THE ROBOTS WANT US THINK?

Thanks to time-traveling relatives with poor acting skills and a real sense of self-importance, FTT has gotten hold of the secret programming instructions for what will eventually enslaves us all.

10 START INSTANT REPLAY

20 START PITCH TRACKING

30 ASSEMBLE PHILLIEBOT

40 FORMAT SELIG

50 GENERATE PHILLIEBOT PR

60 RUN PHILLIEBOT 1.0 PROTOCOL "THROW HARDER THAN KYLE KENDRICK"

70 RUN PHILLIEBOT 2.0 PROTOCOL "THROW BETTER THAN KYLE KENDRICK"

80 CRUSH KYLE KENRICK

90 ACCEPT THANKS

100 SIGN CONTRACT

110 CLONE SELF

120 GOTO 110

Sure, it's chilling. But really, since it's our future and everything, I don't think we should do anything about it. Why ruin things?

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