Showing posts with label windows of opportunity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label windows of opportunity. Show all posts

Friday, June 8, 2007

Next career move for Isiah Washington

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore." - Isiah Washington, on Grey's Anatomy not renewing his contract.

Mad as hell? Really? The guy who regularly starts fights with his fellow cast members and hurls homophobic slurs is angry that he lost his job? Who'd have guessed?

Not to worry, Isiah. The Five Tool Ninja is here to help you get over your anger, and to get your career back on track.

Picture this: Coming to the CW this fall! Boyz On The Side, starring John Amaechi, Tim Hardaway, and Isiah Washington as old college buddies looking for a place to live. When they find that all available housing in town is beyond their means, they come up with a wacky plan to move into special subsidized housing for gay men with AIDS! A foolproof plan, as long as they can make everyone believe that they're gay (when, of course -- *of course!* -- they aren't *really* gay. *AT ALL!*).

Supporting characters include: The aging landlord who has an obvious crush on Washington. "Bruce", the playa who lives next door, who is in on the ruse. And Washington's conservative Republican parents who need to be kept in the dark about his new housing arrangement, lest he lose their financial support. (We're currently in negotiations with Alan Keyes for the role of Isiah's dad.)

Then there are the smoking hot girlfriends. They seem willing to play along at first, but how long will their patience last?

Of course, it's not a proper sitcom unless the lead characters have their own catch phrases:

Amaechi: "Take it to the hole!"

Hardaway: "I hate (straight/gay/tall/smart/etc.) people."

Washington, spoken with all of the mock sincerity of a celebrity public apology: "I'm truly sorry if my words or actions have offended you."

And finally - and this is essential - we need a Rufus Wainwright-penned 30-second long theme song explaining the premise of the show.

The only remaining question is whether Boyz On The Side should lead in to Gilmore Girls on Tuesday nights, or WWE Friday Night SmackDown.

Tough call.

Let's make this happen, boys. I'm here to help.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sports Theism vs. Sports Atheism

In the back and forth in the comments over the McNabb post, something came up that sparked a thought.

Here’s the pertinent point for non-clickers:

... only to see the championship window now fully shut... The time to win a title is over, so IMO it's time to begin looking towards the future.
Note the introduction of a narrative – McNabb and the Eagles have had their window of opportunity shut, so the team has to make changes and move on. If they don’t, they’ll lose.

I wonder how a Colts fan, reading that, might feel. Because Peyton Manning’s window of opportunity has looked like it has been closing for years now.

Or how a Broncos fan that recalls all the years that Elway couldn’t win a ring, and had to constantly hear Marino comparisons, would think about that.

Or a Steelers fan that watched Cowher fail to seal the deal through multiple championship games at home, and a quarterback carousel that included the names Stewart, O’Donnell and Maddox.

Which is not to say that the writer is wrong, that every stay the course move works out, or that McNabb and Reid are the same as Manning, Elway and Cowher.

They might be Jim Kelly, or Dan Marino, or Marty Schottenheimer.

As Kent Brockman says, only time will tell.

But the opinion shows a certain faith in a narrative, that the games are not just random events of probability, but stories with an arc. (This, despite an era in which NFL champions have mostly appeared out of the blue, but that’s OK – any title creates its own backstory, and with speed. If the story is bad, we just don’t tell it very often, or for very long, which is why you don’t hear so much about the genius of Jon Gruden or Brian Billick any more.)

There is no logical reason to believe in a Window of Opportunity – and yet, nearly everyone does, and will argue more about whether it’s open or shut, rather than if it exists.

It is the same kind of magical thinking that would lead you to believe that certain uniforms have power – a belief that no one would admit to in public, but still, look at those Bengals uniforms.



Super Bowl winners can't look like that, can they?

That the roar of the crowd can turn a season around. That the players can feel and benefit from the fan’s excitement.

That there is a Madden Curse, or an SI Cover Jinx.

That the personal character of highly flawed individual corporate entities (i.e., the modern player, with his posse/executive staff, his PR needs, and his trash talk / branding mission statements) is as important as talent when it comes to determine winners and losers.

Extend this to the stands, and it gets frightening or silly to people who do not believe what you believe. We’re all wearing the modern-day ghost shirts , many of us are dressing up like it’s Halloween or Mardi Gras, and an astonishing number of people will pay more for the rainments if they’ve been worn in a game, or autographed. (Speaking of magic...)

You may not be fit to touch the hem of an athlete's garment, but you can buy your own replica garment in the gift shop.

But if you go completely against this kind of thing, into the realm of sports atheism, you strip the contest down to bare and ugly meat and bone. You see it, with too much clarity, as a purely commercial event, determined by mostly random chance, that has no meaning, and no good reason to care about.

Timewaste. Vice. Bread and circuses. For kids. Soap opera with a live crowd.

Everyone, whether or not they are sports fans, lives with some stories, illusions, and narrative. Even if you’re aware of doing it. (And if you think fantasy sports erode this traditional faith, not so -- it is more a transfer or a competing faith, rather than a true embrace of sports atheism. In a related matter, I know that I am going to be in my baseball league’s playoffs this year, despite the fact that my team hits less than a senior citizen in a casino. I have Faith.)

This may also be why sports seems so much more invasive and prominent now – the world is becoming more secular and fragmented, so in our need to congregate and find community, we go to the One True Church of Ball. I remember, back in my childhood, hearing priests rail against the false church of sports as being a vice (and yes, it still is).

Now, the Vatican thinks about having its own soccer team. If you can’t beat ‘em, have a God and Country Night.

FTT, for the record, espouses a kind of middle of the road / progressive sports agnosticism – we are not sure quite what to believe, but we are pretty sure that there is all some greater meaning that will become clear later. However, with that being said, we do welcome sports theists into the congregation. Testify to your Window of Opportunity.

Especially when the collection plate is passed around. (And as soon as we can find a sponsor for that collection plate, you will all bear witness to its glory.)

Now, can I get an amen?