Your Annual FTT Post About Tennis

Can anyone win a tournament without reenacting the moment of their birth?

Good PR Move, Nike

In my Ad Age today (sorry if the link gives you a firewall), this tidbit... Nike is getting into bed with murderer, thief, and George Bush enthusiast Don King to promote the upcoming foregone conclusion Roger Federer vs. Rafael Nadal match.

Um, tennis, Nike? You do realize that the guy you just hired is one of the biggest balls of filth on the planet, right? That he's taken the Fifth Amendment about his connections to the Gotti crime family? That rumors of jury tampering, realities of dozens of lawsuits from ex-clients, and the blood of at least two men is on his hands?

Oh, I know, all PR is good PR. Hey, you got this link, didn't you? And maybe you'll really hit the jackpot and have Federer or Nadel found over the body of a young boy, both naked except for their Nikes, and using the blood of the slain to paint a swoosh.

Then again, that probably won't be new to anyone who has been to your Third World factories.

Yay, PR!

Can Competitive Masturbation Be Far Behind?

Tonight in your sports round-up...

> A made-up pudpull (the ESPN Who's Now)

> Coverage of which celebrities are doing well in the World Series of Poker (can this, please, end any idea tha what they are doing is a sport?)

> The guy that always wins Wimbledon... won Wimbledon

> Formula 1 racers get into a shoving match, where the dad of one of ther drivers intervene (given that the driver are jockey-sized, makes sense to me)

> An Australian won the first stage of the Tour de France (hey, maybe their drugs are now up to world-class standards)

> Actual Arena League results

Yes, folks, we are officially Out of Sports. The next half-week won't be pretty. When does NFL Training camps open again?

Top 10 "Sports" Events We're Not Looking Forward To

1) The All-Star Game -- despite the fact that, this time, it counts

2) Pre-season football -- Which player will win the battle for a back-up job that will have no impact on how their team does this year? Tune in and find out!

3) "Hilarious" NBA Draft diaries -- Gosh, tall young men with sudden amounts of money dress funny!

4) Just about anything ESPN produces to fill the summer dead zone

5) The inevitable Web troll / conspiracy theory backlash that Chris Benoit was framed

6) The Home Run Derby -- will Chris Berman say back-back-back-back-back? YES!

7) Pete Rose's next moment in the spotlight -- over/under countdown is down to 18 days

8) Watching Shaq get sanctimonious about people with weight problems

9) The latest developments in the Pac-Man Jones saga (in other news, Maurice Clarett wants his title of Most Overrated Waste of Time back)

10) Wimbledon. Will the guy that always wins win by hitting serves with scientifically cranked rackets that humans aren't physically capable of returning? Wow! What thrills!