Blogrolling Will Fight, Scream, Pinch Nipples, and Stop Crime

Sign of the Apocalypse #3006 -- guys running around in superhero outfits for real, working to stop crime. Call me when you get costumed adversaries, boys, so that I know when I've got even bigger losers to mock...

Howard Eskin is now pinching nipples. No, wait, actually worse: stealing them. And dressing up as a Star Trek nerd. Oddly, it doesn't really change the way I feel about him.

Nick Underhill does the Manny thing better than most.

Your hero and mine, with, QUITE FRANKLY, the most important site on the Web. Everything he blogs is important! (And it must be, considering he's posted five times in the last six weeks.)

And finally, presented without undue comment, the top-ranked story on Ballhype this fine day. Hockey Fan sure does like it when the guys with the most pads throw down. Every mention has a video clip, and the blogger feels much shame.

I Can't Say Goodbye To This Man

I just looked in the mirror fellas and I said you know I'm 41 years of age, I've got a little cash stashed away…I'm a proud single daddy no question about that, but it's just one of those things, man, where I just reached a point where at age 41 with about 20 to 25 years left in this business me doing my speaking engagements around the country, me representing the communities specifically the African-American community throughout this country being one of the preeminent voices out there... if this is where I stop, then at age 41, I'm not growing anymore and I couldn't live with that. -- Stephen A. Smith, somehow confusing himself with a civil rights leader, or something

Thank the stones, I was beginning to fear that the man was going to have some dignity without the Mouse's hand up his back. (And really, when it comes to the SAS Puppet, do not take second-best.)



Um, Stephen A.? You know what, I was going to take you to task for being a one-trick minstrel show that made the rest of NBA fandom kind of hard, since the rest of the world just cringed every time you opened your mouth about the Association.

But... QUITE FRANKLY... I miss you! I want to hear the over-the-top outrage on things you probably didn't care less about, the way you'd support and then turn on the flashy dumb moves that Isiah Thomas made, and the way you gave each and every sports fan on the planet an Instant Comedy Go To, since all you had to do was say HOWEVAH or QUITE FRANKLY.

Besides, Obama's the President now. My people need some fools to feel good about themselves, and your people need some to know they can still compete. Come on, TNT, make our man an offer! Everything he says is important!

Our rough week continues

First Harry, and now this. Terminated from employment over at the Lemur, Blogfrica's favorite punch line, Stephen A. Smith.

Somewhere, a man with a sock on his hand weeps.

And we all weep with him, really...

Et tu, Bilas?

HOWEVAH, I still believe!

I'm Gonna Eat My Cheese Doodles

I can not support the mission of the Stephen A. Smith Society of Heckling Gentlemen enough, really. (And if you don't know what the story is with this... I can't begin to do it justice, really. Just play the clip. I post YouTube videos when I'm stressed. And yes, it's disgraceful.)

Top 10 Questions Regarding Stephen A. Smith's Column Getting Cancelled

Ed. Note: The Philadelphia Inquirer has announced that columnist, ESPN personality, Blackberry enthusiast and Cheeze Doodle devotee STEPHEN A. SMITH is "due to resume his career as a reporter," and that he was being stripped of his column.

But beyond the paper's snippy page about it, we have questions. Such as...

10) Stephen A. has a background in reporting?

9) Is SLAV-AH MED-VA-DANG-CO crank-calling him?

8) Did the Inquirer only do this once Allen Iverson was well and truly out of town?

7) How long will it take until Stephen notices he no longer has the gig?

6) Will the probable loss in income make him cut back on his love of Cheese Doodles?

5) Does this mean he'll have more time for Quite Frankly?

4) Will Inky sports columnist Phil Sheridan now use his CAPS LOCK more to make up the gap in VERY IMPORTANT DECLARATIVES?

3) Will Stephen take questions about this on his declining Philly street cred on his ESPN Radio show in New York City, or on his television appearances in Bristol, Connecticut?

2) Is there a half-baked racial angle to this that will allow someone (not naming names) to crank out 1000 words?

1) HOW ON THE EARTH CAN THE INQUIRER DO THIS? DON'T THEY REALIZE HE'S STEPHEN A. SMITH, AND EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IMPORTANT!



AND THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW!

(H/t, Deadspin and the SAS Heckling Society of Gentlemen)

Everything I Say Is Important!

But not more important than the gentlemen who heckle Stephen A. Smith, and speak in his voice with socks on their hands. Golf clap, gentlemen. Golf clap.