You Play To Win The Games Of Yesteryear

Word out of Kansas City that the Chiefs, fresh off bringing in Mike Vrabel in Scott Pioli's severance pay package with Matt Cassel, is now adding Zach Thomas, because the 34-year-old had such a fine year last year in... Dallas?

Between this move, the Brian Dawkins signing in Denver, and the Jeff Garcia signing in Oakland, and it's clear that the AFC West sees the road back to respectability as coming from the judicious addition of quasi coach-players from the East.

So, Chargers, who will you take to make sure that you keep pace with the other terrible, terrible teams in your division? I'm thinking Jason Taylor to come in as Shawne Merriman insurance, assuming that you can just don't impinge on his off-season dancing and male modeling...

The New Mr. Cub

Word around Blogfrica is that the Cubs are pursuing free agent outfielder and full-time circus Milton Bradley to toil in the ivy next year, provided that the Washington Nationals don't make the mistake first. I actually read a post earlier today that lauded them for the interest, seeing how Bradley is a five-tool player who's coming off a big year in Texas, and would be an attractive cog in the machine.

Um, Cub Fan? You do realize that you'd be getting Milton Bradley here, right? And that you'd be his seventh franchise, and fifth since 2005?

First off, let's actually deal with the on-field product. If Milty does have five tools, he's been doing his best to keep them fresh by not using them very often. His career high in steals is 17, which happened in 2003; he's stolen 20 bags and been caught 7 times in the last three years. Secondly, isn't one of those tools supposed to be defense? Milty DH'd last year for the Rangers, probably to help keep him healthy, but also to keep him farther away from those pesky other team fans that generally reveal him to be, well, Not Quite Right In The Head.

But independent of The Toolage is this: staying healthy is a skill. The number of years that Milty has managed 500 at-bats in his nine year career is... drumroll, please... one, for LA in 2004. That helps explain his career high of 22 home runs, also last year in the Arlington jet stream.

OK, if you look at just the last two years and just at the percentage numbers, Milty's been a positive player, with a four-digit OPS (that's on-base percentage plus slugging percentage). But he's also never been accused of being, well, stable... and for him to go to a place like Wrigley in the non-contract years of his career, when his physical gifts are likely to be in strong decline, especially given how brittle he's been over the years...

Well, Cub Fan, I suppose it beats watching Kosuke Fukudome, or whoever else he's going to take at-bats from. But if it were my team, I wouldn't exactly be doing handstands over it. Or, if it comes to be, making eye contact with Milton.

But on the plus side, he gets to come back to National League umpires. Last time, that didn't go so well...

Yes, Quite

From the special needs PR people who write the Sixers e-mails (I do love them -- they're an excellent source of unintentional comedy)...

76ers President and GM Ed Stefanski announced this week that the team has signed free agent guards Kareem Rush and Royal Ivey. Both add solid defense and a threatening long-range shot, while Ivey provides an additional option at point guard.

Emphasis mine.

Now, I don't much care who the Sixers sign to cut in training camp; it makes no difference to me, the NBA, or anyone outside of the eight people in the world who care about summer league records. But, um, why bother putting them into a press release, and why call their outside shots "threatening"? What, exactly, is being threatened? The backboards? The rims? The eyesight of casual onlookers?

If Ivey or Rush could shoot at an NBA level, they wouldn't be the basketball equivalent of Kelly Girl Temps. If either plays more than 200 minutes of regular season play this year for the Sixers, it means that Andre Miller has gotten hurt, Kevin Ollie has been put down for humane reasons, and the team has ceased to resemble an NBA franchise or, well, basketball. That, my dear Stefanski, is the threat. (Or, if you prefer, the threatening.)

Big and Boofy

Today's ill-considered picks...

Rays-TWINS over. If Seo vs. Bonser doesn't finally get me off the over-under schneid (this one's at 10), I'm gonna Boof all over this blog.

Yanks-A'S under and to win. Harden v. Pettite, and the A's are scoring less than Ike with Tina right now. At 8.5, I'm liking this line, and Harden's going to get them the win, to boot.

Rockies-DBACKS, taking the Snakes. The Snakes are the early success story out West, and Doug Davis treats the Rocks like Ike treated Tina. Even if we don't have the Artist Known as BK Kim getting the start, this is money.

Season to date: 5-7, down $667.

Ed. Note: 2-1-1, with the push from the Rays-Twins and the loss from the A's-Yanks under. Now down $324, and in 6th. Fah.

When Little Girls Play Big Boy Games

Way to milk "cramps" into a few days off Nancy.

Johnny Damon out with a sore left calf saying he could "barely walk." You have a charlie horse Johnny - get the trainer to work it out and get in the games.

Anybody interested in my rookie Johnny Damon baseball card?

Cramps

Against my better judgement, I selected Johnny Damon in my fantasy baseball draft. I took him in the 5th round, 56th overall. I figured he would be good for runs, SBs and OBP. I didn't want to take him because I've owned him before and suffered through some of his lame injuries.

But this is ridiculous. Opening day in New York - not too hot, not too cold. So what happened? Damon leaves the game after 5 innings with "cramps." I think we know what kind of cramps he had.