The America's Cup Is All That Is Wrong With The World, And Should Never Be Sponsored

Every Sailing Guy Ever

Today in my day job, I read a marketing sports piece that talked about how the writer was enthused about the possibilities involved in sponsoring the America's Cup. It's got patriotism! It's under-utilized compared to other plays in the space! Look at these fabulous demographics involved with the people who are watching! America is defending a championship with a team that's sponsored by Oracle!

Um, seriously, Media Post?

Sailing Guy is, without a doubt, the most repugnant bag of douche in the history of bags of douche. The fact that these ships cost an ungodly amount of money and require an absurd amount of technology does not wash out the undeniable athleticism. I don't care about the skill required to sail these ships, and neither do you. Putting a flag on it does not make me care more; it might actually make me care less. (In re patriotism, I do have the more than occasional moment of it, but on some level, it's just where your parents rutted.)

So, um, no, the America's Cup is *not* a great place for your brand, unless your brand enjoys massive patronage from the worst of the Gilded Class, and if that's the case, why are you even bothering to do marketing and advertising, anyway? You already have it made, have already done unspeakable things to an unspeakable number of people, and should just be swimming in money, Scrooge McDuck style, rather than doing something so unseemly as a media or sponsorship buy. In a better world, the America's Cup would be without sponsors and unpublicized, for fear of taking fire from the world's military, or better yet, Somalia pirates.

Oh, and if that happens? Sponsor the pirates. They will be far better to deal with, and enjoy a far better public image...