Top 10 takeaways from Kevin Youkilis signing with the Yankees

A True Yankee

10) Pitching coaches to throw at him during batting practice

9) New York to hire Bobby Valentine, just for fun

8) Taking a one-year contract for eight figures after a franchise trades you for nothing is the greatest act of treachery evah to Boston Fan

7) Any time you can hire a guy for four times the amount of Eric Chavez and marginally more utility, you have to do it

6) Ends the week-long budget austerity era for the Yankees, also known as the darkest period since CBS owned the team in the '60s

5) Between him and Alex Rodriguez, the team will finally achieve their long-standing dream of paying more for their disabled third basemen than others pay for their whole team

4) Will prevent any of their fans from having to endure the horror of watching a player they haven't been watching for the better part of a decade

3) Team's next signing is Pedro Martinez for long relief, Dwight Evans to clean out the restrooms and Carl Yastrzemski for long, slow beatings on YouTube

2) With this hire, the Yankees ensure that the average length of their games with the Red Sox will stay over 5 hours in 2013, which helps to pay his contract

1) Hiring brittle and breaking-down position players for one-year contracts always ensures success