Friday, August 13, 2010

Charles Barkley's Top Ten Non-Punk Moves

"I heard about LeBron's little tweet today that he's remembering everybody who said anything bad about him. And he said 'everybody.' Well, I want him to make sure that he puts my name on that (list). I thought that his little one-hour special was a punk move. I thought them dancing around on the stage was a punk move, and I thought he should've stayed in Cleveland. Him joining Dwyane Wade's team was very disappointing to me." - Charles Barkley

Now, I love the Chuck Wagon, but I'm getting a little bit tired of the single-note nature of this NBA off-season, and everyone having the same opinion, which will change as soon as the games begin and the Heat begin turning opponents into road kill. And considering the man's history, the Chuckster knows punk moves...

10) When the Chuckster forced a trade out of Phoenix to join Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon in Houston, that wasn't a punk move, because they were too old and it didn't work

9) By forcing his way out of Philadelphia and off to Phoenix by taking three pointers like an even drunker Antoine Walker, that wasn't a punk move, because the Sixers should have still said no to the circus meat platter of Jeff Hornacek, Tim Perry and Andrew Lang

8) When Chuck mistakingly spat on a young girl, that wasn't a punk move, because someone had provoked him, and he had played too hard in the game to get enough foam

7) By spending his entire career getting taken out by Michael Jordan, and his entire retirement sucking up to His Hanesian Hitler Airness, that's not a punk move, because Jordan won a lot of rings

6) When he initially made fun of Magic Johnson for contracting HIV, that wasn't a punk move, because Karl Malone was an ever bigger train wreck of dumbness

5) If you have back trouble that's compounded by your life-long problem of just saying no to Krispy Kreme, that's not a punk move, because lots of people in America are lard buckets

4) When he elbowed Angola's Herlander Coimbra in the chest during a 1992 Olympics game, creating an international incident, that wasn't a punk move, because the U.S. only won the game by 68 points, and need to play tougher defense

3) Breaking a man's nose in a bar fight in Milwaukee isn't a punk move, because everyone knows that people in Milwaukee are just asking for it

2) Throwing a man through a plate glass window isn't a punk move, because it just looked totally bitching

1) Getting busted on a DUI, and explaining your actions because you were in a hurry to receive oral sex from a woman who is not your wife isn't a punk move, because he was going to get really good oral sex

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