Your Almost Assuredly Worthless NFL Predictions

Hey, I'm not just a mediocre pick 'em writer -- I'm also a mediocre season predictor. Feel free to take these entirely seriously, and to wager an absurd amount of money based on its findings!

NFC East

+ Giants 11-5
+ Eagles 10-6
Dallas 8-8
Redskins 6-10

NFC North

+ Bears 11-5
+ Packers 10-6
Vikings 8-8
Lions 5-11

NFC South

+ Saints 11-5
Panthers 9-7
Falcons 7-9
Bucs 5-11

NFC West

+ Cardinals 10-6
Seahawks 7-9
Rams 6-10
Niners 5-11

Cardinals defeat Packers
Eagles defeat Bears

Saints defeat Eagles
Giants defeat Cardinals

Saints defeat Giants

NFC MVP: Drew Brees
NFC Rookie of the Year: Chris Wells

Why am I so in the tank for the Saints? Well, the defense has got to be better, and the offense did everything they did last year without, for the most part, Marques Colston, Reggie Bush, and for a long time, an effective inside runner, in that they kept giving the ball to the broken-down Deuce McAllister, rather than the effective Pierre Thomas, or the reasonably intriguing Mike Bell. This is going to be a pinball machine.

AFC East

+ Patriots 13-3
+ Dolphins 10-6
Jets 7-9
Bills 4-12

AFC North

+ Pittsburgh 11-5
+ Baltimore 10-6
Cincinnati 7-9
Cleveland 4-12

AFC South

+ Colts 11-5
Titans 10-6
Texans 9-7
Jaguars 8-8

AFC West

+ Chargers 12-4
Raiders 8-8
Chiefs 4-12
Broncos 4-12

Steelers defeat Dolphins
Colts defeat Ravens

Patriots defeat Colts
Chargers defeat Steelers

Patriots defeat Chargers

AFC MVP: Tom Brady
AFC Rookie of the Year: Donald Brown

It's back to 2007 in the AFC, with the Patriots running out and hiding in the East, and a fairly clear Big 4 Division Winners more or less controlling things. The conference will also be notable for having clear and obviously awful teams, unlike the great wash of mediocre in the NFC.

Super Bowl: Patriots defeat Saints

Because, well, it's obvious that God doesn't really like New Orleans very much. At all.

Post yours in the comments, along with your theory as to whether I'm sandbagging my Eagles, or really think that are just a 6 seed...