The Phanatic Has Dropped A Few Pounds

Without a doubt, the best Shotgun Dance you'll see today.

Free Ricky!

Today, erstwhile Dolphins running back and full-time enjoyer of the high life Ricky Williams petitioned for reinstatement to the NFL. Frankly, I'm a fan -- the fact that a pothead can be a tough hard inside runner is, really, a wonderful chance for the kids to learn some subtlety in their assessments of drug users -- and if nothing else, this would be Entertaining, and the Dolphins are anything but that right now.

Besides, let's face it -- the Dolphins need players all over the place, and the possibility of Reggie Brown getting cuckolded by an infamous idiot is pretty great. (Can you tell I don't own Brown in any league? Yeah, I bet you could.)

So, come on NFL. Much of this year has been unwatchable; the games have been bad, teams in the major media markets are pretty terrible, and a Cowboys-Patriots Super Bowl will cause America to collapse in a vortex of smugness that hasn't been seen since the Mets-Yankee World Series. I dream of Ricky being the Week 15 blemish on the Pats Quest For Perfection. Bring back Ricky, and lively up yourselves!

Epic Drop: Top 11 Reasons The Eagles Won' t Run The Ball

Your list is here, and your bitching is here... it's like the team is trying to convince me not to watch anymore, that there won't be anything useful to see for the rest of the year. I'm literally excited for the bye week, despite the fact that Vegas just made the bye a 3-point road favorite against the Birds. (Take the points.)

The sad part is that with a competent person catching punts in Week 1 and a competent coach calling plays in Weeks 2 and 4 (Run for Fun, Andy! Or just pretend your QB is still Garcia!), they are watchable and where I'd expect them to be -- 3-1, not 1-3. But with Cap'n Andy insisting that 5 is fine regardless of the actual results... it's just exasperating.

The defense has, if one has to find a bright side of things, been better than advertised. Unlike previous years, they haven't been a sieve to run against, they've gotten consistent pressure on the QB, and while the secondary hasn't been up to its usual level, they've also been without two starters (Shepard and Dawkins).

It's not yet time to play kids and toss the year in a dumpster; if nothing else, last year's left for dead November team shows that anything can happen. But that doesn't mean that they haven't earned the following, and earned it heartily: BOOOOOOOOO...

Jimmies Rise To the Occasion

In our continued coverage of the Jamestown State Jimmies - the school with the best college nickname anywhere, won back the coveted Paint Bucket on Saturday by sticking it to the Valley City State Vikings. In true Jimmie fashion, they scored early and often by routing the Vikes 42-7.

While the running game was solid once again, the Jimmies seem to be more comfortable with a vertical attack, growing as the game progressed. Regardless of the position the Jimmies were in during the game, they were always on top of the Vikings. Their determination and drive led to the explosion of excitement and a release of tension in nailing down a victory and winning the cup. The Jimmies also showed the Vikings who has the bigger D by only allowing 7 points.

We at FTT salute the Jimmies on their 5-0 start to the season. Next week is homecoming against the Dakota State Trojans. Look for both teams to put a cap on things early. I give the edge to the Jimmies, who at midseason, are a well lubricated machine. Oh, and thanks to GoJimmies.com for the photo used above.

Epic Drop: Top 10 Gloating Points for Phillies Fan Over Mets Fan

This list over at the Carnival would be a lot more fun if (a) I actually cared that much about the Phils, and (b) if the Eagles hadn't crapped the bed in such a spectacular fashion last night on the late game. (And, um, is there a worse NFL fan experience than when your team craps the bed in the late game? No, I submit to the jury, no, none at all. More about this later.)