"I'm sure there will be some criticism..."

Um, yeah. But not from me, dear lady. Not from me.

Oh, and kudos to the local reporter for spooling out more rope for the self-hanging with phrases like "chopping block."

This Jimmie Will Make You Submit

When last we left our favorite small college, the Jimmies of Jamestown College in North Dakota, they were bursting through their conference and refusing to be denied in the manly art of college football.

That's all well and good; we can all see how it takes some major pipe to have gridiron success. But what do our wondering eyes do perceive... but the existence of Lady Jimmies... getting scholarships for wrestling?

Not to go all royal on you here, but we're not sure how to take this news. Should we be oddly aroused, in a good-looking American Gladiator / UFC / WWE Diva sort of way.... or just completely terrified?

As it seems the Jimmies are importing Hawaiian spam-eaters (I know of what I speak here, my fellow haoles), it seems to split right down the middle. As with many things in this world, weight will decide many things, and liquor will be the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Upon further review, we welcome our new Artic Overpeople (see how I avoided the whole lords / ladies thing there? that's good PR), and wish them well as they defray the high cost of a quality Dakotan education in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Singlet.

Distaff Wrestling Jimmies, show us your love! (But first, it would probably help an awful lot if you got us drunk. And greasy.)

Profiles in Courage

So the Steelers, after receiving word of wide receiver Cedric Wilson being arrested for punching his ex-girlfriend in the face, have seized the moral high ground and released him.

Good on them. Not only was Wilson a disappointment on the field after being signed away from the Niners, but any guy that punches a girl in the face is reprehensible. Seriously. Aim lower, and there's a much better chance of concealing the damage. (Rim shot.)

Anyway, Wilson's gone, and the Steelers have shown themselves to be a fine and upstanding team that always takes a consistent stance that violence against women is... um, hold the phone. A week earlier, linebacker James Harrison was also handcuffed for smacking the distaff. There must be some mistake, other than the fact that Harrison is, you know, good at football.

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it. He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn’t want to do it." - Steelers team chairman Dan Rooney

Oh, that makes all the difference -- Harrison was trying to force his religion on her. Because when you use force to propagate your religion, that's just peachy!

Crime and Punishment

You know the look: 16-24 year old male, boxer shorts, and pants that start about where the boxers end. It's offputting, goofy-looking, almost comically ugly.

And some misguided officials think it should be outlawed.

Like watching the Pro Bowl, listening to Toby Keith, or rooting for the Nationals, this is one of those offenses that is it's own punishment.

No one is going to arrest you for using the word "irregardless". People don't get busted while leaving a showing of "Rush Hour 3". We don't serve citations to people for eating at Taco Bell.

And neither should people wearing their pants around their knees like a big dork have their fashion sense outlawed.

Haven't they suffered enough already?

Perhaps the greatest WTF? in TV History

WWE performer Chris Benoit apparently killed his wife, 7-year-old kid, and self over the weekend, after canceling from a pay per view event.

The WWE canceled its television events for last night.

The USA Network, to fill the hole, put in a... three-hour tribute to Benoit.

In other news, the NFL Network has decided to *NOT* pay tribute to Rae Carruth and OJ Simpson, MLB has decided to *NOT* pay tribute to Donnie Moore, and the NBA has decided to *NOT* pay tribute to Jayson Williams.

(Special points for anyone who wants to equate USA's decision with MSNBC's move to air the Virginia Tech killer's tape. You're right. And I need a drink.)