"Nobody's Losing A Job Here"

Best Boss Ever

And that, in a nutshell, is what the NFL really thinks about domestic abuse issues.

The money quote above is from Ravens' owner Steve Bisciotti about Ricegate, and, well, it's just that. The Ravens' front office can rest easy, because their boss has their back. Mistakes were made, horrible, horrible mistakes that can never, ever be made again, and will never, ever be made again. The people who made the mistakes are very, very sorry, and they don't have a good answer as to why they didn't get get the videotape from inside the elevator, or why everyone thinks they are either fantastically evil or criminally incompetent. They certainly don't feel they are either, so that's that.

But no one -- not NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, certainly not Bisciotti, not coach John Harbaugh, not GM Ozzie Newsome -- is going to have to, you know, be actually accountable for it, either at the office or in a court of law.

What was ESPN's reaction to this? Well, Chris Mortenson talked about the style involved, and how much more effective Bisciotti was than Goodell. Because when you are talking about men who enable other men who hit women, what's really important is the panache. Have a little style with your bitch slap, people.

And while there was plenty more involved in today's exercise in PR, I don't think you or I need to hear any more. I mean, let's not get out of hand. It's not like Rice turned the face of his fiancee and mother of his kid into absolute hamburger, right? All he did was beat her into unconsciousness, and have the immediate post-attack reaction that he was going to jail. And she was probably halfway there with the alcohol, right? It's not as if you stay involved with a guy like Rice without being a bit of a drinker,

I mean, she's still pretty, doesn't seem to have too much of a flinching reaction for all of those lights and television cameras, hasn't been back to the hospital in months, and was able to deliver the fetus to term. She's still on social media, even, and we all know that Rice could have put a stop to that. How bad could it be, really?

No, no, really, take a look at the elevator footage for the 10,000th time on cable television. The first moment of assault -- Rice spitting in her face -- well, that happens to everyone in their daily commute or office environment, right? The strike that he hit her with has hardly MMA level. and as a RB, Rice isn't even up to lineman size. Those guys could have really done some damage.

Looks bad and all, but it's just hitting a pregnant woman. Certainly not something that anyone should lose their job over.

Well, if you insist, I guess Rice losing his job over this is OK. He was kind of expensive anyway, the jersey sales are going to get a little bit embarrassing, and he really hasn't looked as good as rookie RB Lorenzo Taliaferro. That guy makes a pittance of what Rice made anyway. Football players lose their job all the time, what with the lack of guaranteed contracts, super-short playing careers and inevitable brain injuries. Might be a reason why they hit their women, but hey, that's their choice.

And with that, I think we can all agree that there's nothing more to see here, and this whole tiresome scandal can go to ground, and we can all go back to rooting on the Ravens.

Also, whatever brave team signs Rice next, because America loves giving second chances and once all the furor dies down, we'll all see how silly we were for caring about things like women getting abused.

Especially when the game's on, and people's employment is at stake.