Top 10 reasons why Tony LaRussa is retiring

10) Chris Carpenter smells like old onions and feet

9) Wants to give Albert Pujols a clear send off

8) Knows that there's no way that the bullpen will ever give him two months like that ever again

7) Is looking to being an old guy with money, which is to say someone who makes people wait interminably as a consequence of his actions

6) After that Game Six, you wouldn't want to ever manage another game again, either

5) Knows in his heart of heart that he didn't want to pass John McGraw, since he's old enough to remember him personally

4) Finally wants to put that law degree to use, because if there's anything the country needs, it's more lawyers

3) Wanted to spend more time with his family of rescued animals

2) As his late game single pitcher Bataan Death March strategies show, secretly hates baseball

1) Wanted to, unlike just about everyone else on the planet, go out on top