Top 20 Super Bowl Ad Questions

20) If I use Living Social, will I become a cross-dresser, or is it just that cross-dressers particularly enjoy using Living Social?

19) Are Doritos the chip choice for blithering idiots who enjoy taunting dogs, or people who suck other people's fingers and pants?

18) If I drink Pepsi Max, will I be physically abused by a bitchy spouse who also assaults random white women, or devise ways to assault my guests with can crotch shots?

17) Do Chevy truck drivers have idiot children, or does buying a Chevy make my child turn into an idiot?

16) If I buy a Kia, will I be abducted by aliens, Aztecs, Greek Gods, rich douchebags or someone who doesn't know cars for crap?

15) How badly has Eminem jumped the shark, so that he's shilling for iced tea?

14) Will buying Bridgestone tires make me prone to comedic overreaction and violence?

13) If I register a dot.co with GoDaddy, will I begin to find Joan Rivers attractive, and if so, does this mean that I'll lose my sense of sanity?

12) Do femme-y musicals break out in bars that serve Bud Light?

11) Why does Coke want to spend its Super Bowl ad money on an ad made for World of Warcraft fans?

10) If I buy a Snickers bar, do I get to assault Roseanne Barr, and if so, are there bulk discounts?

9) Does Sealy's promise to get me laid if I buy their mattress?

8) Hasn't Ozzie Osbourne snorted bigger amounts of talent than Justin Bieber?

7) If I use Groupon, do I have to take a position on Tibetan independence?

6) Did Simon Cowell really take a needle for his new show?

5) Can I be as hardcore as Eminem if I buy a new luxury car?

4) If the NFL really has the best fans ever, why is the league about to undergo a disastrous and insulting lockout?

3) Is Bud Light the best beer for use when my wait staff is made up of dogs?

2) Will my new Volkswagon make me feel like an extremely threatened and squashable insect?

1) If I wear Skechers, do I have to become an obnoxious cock-tease?