Top 10 reasons why the Bucs fired Raheem Morris

10) Dropping 10 in a row doesn't exactly speak to "keeping the team"

9) Allowed the most points in the history of the franchise, which is saying something, given the history of this franchise

8) Malcolm Glazer annoyed at the idea that he had to pay attention to the team

7) Wanted to make sure that he'd succeed somewhere else later in life, like so many other Buc coaches before him

6) Didn't protect home field in two continents

5) Shockingly, had problems coaching that nice LeGarrete Blount fellow

4) Keeping him would have enraged all 48 of the Bucs' season ticket holders

3) Failed to show enough military knowledge to impress Soldier Kellen Winslow

2) Just realized that he's somehow had the job for three years

1) Somehow thought the club could do better than the biggest collective quit this side of the Maginot Line

Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing: Top 10 NFL Paper Tigers

It is one of the benefits and curses of Age, I think: the desire to see men who are full of themselves (and we all are, of course) taken down a peg or six. And it is the extreme nature of the NFL, which has just slightly less hype to product than your average wrassling enterprise, that this comes through loud and clear as we look back on 2011, before the playoffs start. So, without further ado...

10) Hue Jackson. The coach of the most penalized team in NFL history, and the man who went all-in on Carson Palmer, then pretty much gave him carte blanche to be a turnover machine. Next time, you might want to think about working on a run defense. Any kind of run defense.

9) Stephen Ross. This just in, Dolphins Owner... your team is not a premier destination for NFL talent. It's just a bit of a backwater, nice enough for tax and weather purposes, but in no way competitive with the NY/New England access of All Media, and you just ran off coaches and ran down talent that went 6-3 over the last nine games when they had every reason to quit. I get that you want a glamour team, but given that you play in heat and a slow track, maybe just winning should be enough.

8) Mike Shanahan. One of the bigger empty suits wearing the genius label, Shanny is now 11-21 in two years in DC -- in other words, the same record that everyone posts there -- and would have escaped all non-local notice if it weren't for the fact that every two to four weeks, there's a fresh piece of free agent meat to target as an available running back. The White Rat is still a guy who never won anything of real consequence without both John Elway and Terrell Davis being the best in the world at their position. Kind of a thin definition of genius, this.

7) Mike Pereira. The Fox officiating twerp is one of the bigger polluters of minds and hearts, and adds even less to the telecast than the other mouth breathers that Fox employs. Oh, and he also pollutes the world with pissy fights with other regrettable people like Jon Gruden. Don't make us choose a side in that fight, you tools.

6) John Fox. Look, I get the value of conservative play calling, especially when your current QB throws worse than kids at the Texas high school level. But that does not mean that you can't work in some end arounds, gadget plays, fake punts and figgies and other signs that show you care more about making the under than winning the game. Your games are unwatchable.

5) Rex Ryan. All he needs is a cape and laced up boots, but the act gets pretty thin when you have a good offensive line, well-regarded skill players, a defense that gives you chances and... you crap the bed in December. It's not just on Brian Schottenheimer anymore, big boy.

4) Andy Reid. The most yards in team history, a team that ranks in the top 10 on both offense and defense, a four game winning streak to end the year and a 5-1 record in the division... does not, even for a minute, make us forgive or forget this year of spectacularly wasted opportunity. And even for Eagle Fan that wants to give the benefit of the doubt, riddle me this: why will Mike Vick be more likely to play more than, say, 12 games in 2012?

3) Rob Ryan. Not really the best month for the family, no? You can't be called a defensive genius when your schemes mostly involve zones with minimal defensive pressure, lots of footage of you stomping around the sidelines like a heel manager of an also-ran tag team, and personal grooming from '70s porno. Even by the weak standards of NFL genius, this does not qualify. At all.

2) Bob Costas. Are you like me, in that your ears and brain are still trying to process his remarkably obvious little sermonettes in the middle of NBC's increasingly unwatchable NFL coverage? I'm just happy that we've got a new aggrieved old white man telling us what to feel bad about in the current state of the league. But be careful, Bob: last man to have that job was Bill Conlin. Just saying.

1) Jerry Jones. Another year down for the biggest hat with no cattle in the NFL. Jerry hasn't won squat of consequence since the Clinton Administration (and yes, that's coming up on 20 years now), but he still manages to con the league into an annual strokefest on Thanksgiving, which is just about when the media decides that this year, yes, will be the one that the Cowboys play up to their incredible potential as an also-ran team with middling talent, mostly because their owner is also their GM, and can never, ever, lose either of those jobs. Keep living the dream, Cowboy Fan!

Feel free to add yours in the comments...

Top 10 NFL Week 17 Ad Questions

10) If I fly with Southwest, do I have to tackle automated kiosks from other airlines first?

9) Do I have to be a guitar-playing corporate douchetool to take advantage of the $10 Pizza Hut deal?

8) Is there a bigger reason to avoid fantasy football than the annual "You Had A Bad Day" montage?

7) If your party is made by sauceless hot wings from Kentucky Fried Chicken, how have you managed to avoid suicide?

6) Why are AT&T smartphone users such know-it-all tools?

5) Does anyone believe that Deion Sanders can actually manipulate a complicated computer operation, or care about the NFL Network's coverage of the playoffs, since no one actually gets that channel?

4) Why does Visa think I care any more about who some schmuck takes to the Super Bowl than last year's old fossils that go to every one?

3) What is that group of Chevy users doing that makes no cell phone coverage such a concern?

2) Is Dodge sure that its buyers should feel like they are at the top of the food chain?

1) Are Coors Light drinkers so hopelessly stupid that they not only need the cans to turn color when cold, but also coaching on how to pour the slop?

50 Eagles - Redskins Takeaways

Well, let's get this over with, shall we?

50) There's one great benefit to watching football games of teams that are out of contention, and that is you get to avoid the top, and therefore most hateful, announcing teams

49) If you had 14:09 in the first quarter for this week's pointless offensive timeout, you win

48) The future of Michael Vick might look a lot like the first Brian Orakpo sack -- a blown play by the tackle and the QB no longer quick enough to get away from it

47) I think there were people at this game, but you sure as hell didn't hear them much

46) It was nice to see a classic Sav Rocca 12-yard shank punt, just for old time's sake

45) Brent Celek is starting to enjoy Vick's regression, if only because it means he gets the Algae Crumpler job

44) There's a real big difference, as Dion Lewis is showing, between preseason fast and regular season fast

43) Jermey Maclin's drop in the end zone is another moment, in a season of them, of how the star WRs have been a secret source of suck

42) There might be no greater indictment of the malaise that is Washington that the team feels good about having Rex Grossman at QB

41) No CB celebrates drops as if they were competence like Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie

40) DeSean Jackson doesn't even care enough to lobby the refs for PI calls now

39) This rushing game has really regressed in the last month

38) The rookie kickers have been a strength for the last month, so, um, woo

37) I think we can safely put the DJ returns punts era behind us

36) Ronnie Brown blocks about as well as he does everything else

35) Seriously, when Vick isn't quick enough to avoid sacks and prolong plays, he's not much above replacement level

34) The Nate Allen pick was all kinds of manly, from the pressure on the QB to the good catch... but there's a reason why no one has ever thought to give the man a job as a returner

33) Game tape from this one won't do much for the idea that Todd Herreman should have an important job

32) Keenan Clayton's tackle on Brandon Banks gave hope to the idea that special teams play might be more than hoping Colt Anderson is good after his injury

31) Just in case you were missing the Whiffed Tackle brigade, Evan Royster's 28-yard depantsing of Jaiquawn Jarrett and Nnamdi Asomugha brought back memories

30) Jabar Gaffney took a shot from DRC that would have been a flag and fine if Gaffney was a Pro Bowler

29) Grossman in the face of a clean blitzer is amusing in its cowardice

28) Derek Landri might have been happier about his blocked field goal than anyone you have ever seen on a football field

27) Rocca's field goal placement -- laces in, tilted down -- would have embarrassed a Pop Warner player

26) Chad Hall's Little Engine That Could touchdown had so much grit that I'm sure he's going to be on the roster for another year or two at least

25) It was also nice that the end zone fans got to take a souvenir Hall home with them

24) I'm not saying that Grossman was afraid of more picks, but when you throw the ball away on fourth and long, it's a little telling

23) Vick holding the ball too long and then fumbling on the sack was another one of those inexcusable plays that just keeps happening this year -- 37 and counting now

22) Santana Moss complained so long about offensive PI, and even took his helmet off, to get one of the dumber 15-yard flags you will ever see

21) The way the half ended, with Gaffney catching a ball over the middle for a meaningless game, and the Skins not getting the field goal attempt, was one of the funnier things I've ever seen on a football field

20) Eagle Fan missed the third quarter 8-play 80-yard touchdown drive that ended in the Roy Helu limping 47-yard touchdown catch, because they cared more about going to the bathroom or getting a beer... which is to say, they cared about as much as the defense did

19) It's nice that the Redskins have enough time to coordinate touchdown celebrations that get them 15 yard flags in the midst of big losses

18) In case you weren't very sure that LeSean McCoy is the most important player on this team, this game and offense should cure that delusion

17) Jason Avant can really bring his "A" game now that it matters

16) Celek on those fake block screens is genius, since most of the real blocks he throws are of the same impact

15) Vick nearly got the team to the magic 10th red zone turnover of the year, when every fan in the stadium gets a free enema

14) I'm pretty sure that I have no idea, since I am over 40, of what constitutes a penalty any more

13) The third quarter ended just in time to ensure another fourth quarter lead loss

12) That Vick to DJ bomb shows that maybe, just maybe, it's a decent idea to keep a guy with game-breaking speed and lots of big plays around for more than a rookie contract

11) Logan Paulsen puling for defensive PI on a clear offensive PI call is one of those soccer player moments that deserved a flag on its own for ridiculousness

10) Trent Cole got his 10th sack of a year on a legitimately sweet play

9) Hall's 28-yard punt return was smurfy in a good way

8) The Eagles set a new record for yards on offense, which shows just how meaningless that statistic is

7) Vick's second interception was one of those inexcusable yada yada yada yada

6) Coach For Life Reid continued his excellent year of replay challenges, which isn't exactly a reason for life tenure

5) Celek is really going to fool some people in fantasy next year, and I might be one of them

4) When you are watching Mike Kafka and Lewis in a game with no playoff ramifications and still writing about it, I'm not sure what's sadder -- me writing about it, or you reading what I wrote

3) Lewis scored his first touchdown of the year as the Washington defense showed that it really didn't give a damn

2) This game proved, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Redskin Fan has it much, much worse than Eagle Fan

1) The big win shows that Juan Castillo deserves to keep his job, that we all should just be super happy with an 8-8 year, and that we'll all get to do this again in 2012

The Strangest Tournament Evah

Let's start with a sidebar on the last poker diary for a while... I think I've finally figured out the secret to successful tournament play, having finally taken down a crown last night. Step one is to raise on the button with a middling pair (in this case, 9s.) Step two is to call the big blind all-in raise, knowing that if you miss, you still have 10 big blinds and a prayer. Step three is to see a big pair (in this case, kings) and be utterly and completely convinced of your stupidity, as well as your inevitable defeat. Step four is to see nothing on the flop and turn. And step five is to be visited by the two-out Luck God on the river.

There's a special feeling of almost tilt that happens when you put a ridiculous beat on someone; that it might be your night for no good reason, that you are due some return payback later that will make this seem kind, and that you should go find the guy you sucked out on and apologize. All of which is noise, of course, but I almost always find that any tournament where I go deep has at least one Better Lucky Than Good moment that gets me deep. Your mileage may vary, of course.

Anyway, fast forward to the final table, which is where the strangeness really began. With six players left in the final event for the 2011 points championship in my home game, I needed to not just win this thing, but also knock out the points leader before anyone else went out. So I had to win enough hands to stay alive, but only against bigger stacks, since any small stack knows my situation and can just raise all-in to watch me fold, since the yearly prize is 4X the size of tonight's tournament.

And this situation actually holds for the better part of an hour, as the small stack to my left cheerfully raises his way back to relevance, between me needing to fold to him and the two points leaders playing super tight. And it almost works, as the points leader goes card-dead and has to play super-conservative himself, since he knows that a knockout takes the cash out of his hands... but eventually his short-stacked A-8 holds over a called A-3, and then K-K gets paid and takes him out of the danger zone. Ah well, it was a nice dream. And it all goes away when the second-place points leader loses a race on the river, taking the last two contenders out in one hand.

I can't say I'm all that disappointed, really: my tournament play has been been so weak this year, and the luck was not good, either. And on some level, I'm glad we don't play for these kinds of stacks more than once a year; it would not, I think, do good things for the camaraderie of the group. And the amazing thing about this kind of tournament is that even though there's big cash on the table, it just seems like it came out of the ether, rather than be something that was built for you over a span of many years. It's a kind of magic, really. And while I didn't take down the biggest pot of the night, luck stayed with me in the cash game, adding up to a Saving Christmas kind of experience. I Love Poker After All! That, or winning money. Probably the latter.

We'll start all of this again on January 20, with new tournament chips (the old ones are going to cash game only status), new blinds structures, deep stack, turbo, mixed games and even Omaha, and eventually some facilities upgrades as well. It's all coming together. Just so long as I keep hitting two-outers on the river...