Sunday, June 5, 2011

Killing Football To Save It

With the recent talks between the owners and players in the NFL contract kerfluffle, and the desperate-looking messages that I'm starting to get from league providers and draft companies that tell me I need to start preparing for the season that might not happen, a small moment...

Imagine, if you will, how this might look if we were drawing things up from scratch.

We currently have thousands of high school football teams that feed hundreds of college clubs, slucing down to dozens of professional teams in relatively concentrated cities across the United States. If you are fortunate enough to live in an area blessed with an NFL team, you have a clear interest and laundry to go for, but that relationship is tenuous. The team can subject you to decades of ill management and abuse (hello, Redskins) from people who decent people would not urinate on if they were on fire (OK, I'm still on the Redskins). If the team decides that their stately pleasure palace is not up to snuff, they can negotiate with the local governance and leave you twisting in the wind as they court new areas with more pliable public dollars. And all of that is, of course, your *best* possible rooting interest, assuming that you have a desire to take the purest stuff into your veins and not pollute it with the more amateur variants.

One of the guys in my weekly poker game has been after me to go see the local arena team in Trenton. They are staffed by the usual pro football flotsam and jetsam and sons of people who have names, and they made the playoffs. They've also drawing, it seems, and proving once again that there is a market for the game that knows no bounds. We are, as a whole, starting to get to the point where the market for football is resembling the market for boxing -- a fan base that is underserved by the rapacious actions of management, made to pay and pay and pay for the best stuff in a supply that's much less than the demand.

Now, let's look with clear eyes at the college game.

There is no -- as in none, zilch, zero, nada, squadouche, bupkas, zip -- relationship between the act of playing football and the act of earning a college degree. The skills do not overlap, the experiences do not collate. One is an all-encompassing sport that demands total attention to preparation and the physical willingness to endure pain to compete; the other is a broad adult life preparation exercise in which you prove your intellectual merit and work ethic. You can play football even if you are borderline illiterate; you can graduate college with crippling physical ailments. There is no reason to link the two, beyond whitewashing away the considerable injury risk in playing football, especially when it takes up so much of the American underclass.

It also means that a poor percentage of people who qualify as pro football players will wind up with that profession. From sea to shining sea, we have people willing to pay money and attention to football; we also have teams willing to take their money. We just don't have an actual meritocracy in determining which teams or cities matter. Instead, we have a fixed monopoly that benefits the top league, a league that abuses the public trust while enriching the very small number of ownership groups to an unconscionable level.

If you wanted to make the life of football fans in this country better in a heartbeat, you'd do this: Make it illegal for colleges to have football programs, and declare the NFL to be an unlawful monopoly, and break up the league.

There would, of course, be something close to blood in the streets over this. Fans would react with absolute murder in their eyes at the disruption of their rivalries. I'm sure we'd have something approaching suicides among some of the more unhinged fans. This blog might cease to exist, along with fantasy football as an industry, broadcast networks as a group, networks dependent on the big NFL number, etc., etc., etc.

And here's what might arise from the ashes: a nationwide confederacy of club level teams, playing in off-time high school and the abandoned college and pro arenas. Close cities forming leagues that were regional enough to make for easy trips and rivalries. The biggest cities and money centers signing up the most famous players, but no slave minor league system being in place, since that would run afoul of the anti-monopoly laws. Teams moving up or moving down as they dominated or failed. Fans in areas with the best management watching as their hometown heroes not only won games, but increased the stature of their towns.

Tens of thousands of people getting paid to play pro ball. Every city with the opportunity to become its own Green Bay, every area with the ability to tell a scumbag owner to go do something anatomically impossible if he threatens to not play without a public handout, and more league opportunities, in the long run, for a fantasy player to even contemplate.

In other words, a dramatically better market, much higher uptime of game, 24/7/365 output on your television set of games that matter, and the ending of the sad lie that is poisoning the American educational system. More jobs in more places. Jerry Jones and Daniel Snyder homeless. (OK, probably not.)

But a man can dream of something good -- really good -- coming out of the end of the status quo, can't he?

Friday, June 3, 2011

42 Mavs Heat Game Two Takeaways

Why 42? Because it's my birthday, and I'm old. Good grief, what a game. Ladies and gentlemen, WE HAVE A SERIES. I'm so relieved.

42) Mark Jackson advocated deliberately injuring Dirk Nowitzki, because he's just that kind of douchebag

41) LeBron James showed great effort and hustle in creating multiple turnovers

40) DeShawn Stevenson now has consecutive games with not just points, but made three-pointers

39) The Heat routinely score on plays that are just plainly dispiriting

38) Peja Stojakovic is the world's ugliest, slowest and least flamboyant matador

37) James actually was called for a travel and did not dispute the play; no, seriously

36) Watching Jason Kidd and Tyson Chandler run the pick and roll is just sad

35) If you need someone to scream after a putback dunk in the first quarter, James really is your man, and the Heat really are your team

34) The telecast felt compelled to remind us that Mike Miller is tall, despite his best efforts to make us forget that

33) Bailout shots from James are just going in at an absurd percentage right now

32) During a back and forth offense flow sequence in the second quarter, ABC/ESPN chose to discuss the day-old retirement of a player who did not play for either team

31) Dallas shot the first 11 free throws in taking a 6-point lead, which has to be proof of some kind of conspiracy

30) The Mavs' best defense against putbacks appears to be asking for offensive goaltending calls

29) Dallas calls timeouts like a wrestling heel rolling out of the ring, i.e., when the other guy hits a big exciting move

28) Any half where Dallas gets three made three-pointers from Stevenson is one where they should lead by a lot more than, well, nothing

27) Wade and James went back to missing free throws, which could be one of those hidden indicators of fatigue / portents of doom

26) The way in which the Heat, especially Wade and James, react to poor officiating really has to be earning them back all of those older fans than dislike how the team was put together

25) The telecast crew decided that we needed to hear a roll call of 1960s Oakland Raiders, because they are on drugs

24) Once the Heat decided that the free throw differential was a problem, it ceased to exist, but they didn't make enough free throws

23) The Mavs lost the lead when James missed time in the first half with foul trouble, when one presumes their opportunity was greatest

22) When you turn the ball over against Miami, it's just deadly, since there might not be a better team in transition in the past 20 years

21) Shawn Marion keeps scoring in the post, which really has been huge for Dallas so far in this series

20) If Dirk can actually get a touch with solo coverage and patience, he dominates, but that's not exactly common in this series

19) Kidd is starting to show signs of losing the defensive mojo he's been using for the past six weeks

18) James and Dirk got into each other, leading to a baffling technical against... Mavs coach Rick Carlisle

17) The telecast crew decided to discuss the off-season antics of Scottie Pippen, rather than, well, the damn game

16) Brian Cardinal actually got into a game, which must have meant that Carlisle wanted somebody fouled, and because Peja was just that useless

15) Bibby made a three over Cardinal to give the Heat their largest lead, just to make everyone at home wonder if they were still watching the Finals, rather than the D-League

14) Shocking the public, the telecast crew advocated more aggression as the cure to all of Dallas' ills

13) Jeff Van Gundy gave Steve Nash grief for not watching the game, as if he's got any room to talk

12) Bibby actually had a make that wasn't a wide-open three

11) The highlight reel for James in this series will involve a large number of moments where no Mavs big man feels interested in meeting him at the rim

10) You have to admire the Mavs' innovative strategy of tiring the Heat out by giving away a huge number of uncontested dunks

9) JJ Barea's idea of defense is to continuously prod for the best possible flop

8) When Dallas goes small, it doesn't really solve their athleticism problem, or their rebounding issues

7) Since Wade had a big night, I guess we can forget about him being hurt

6) Honestly, the refs are allowed to call a technical on James or Wade; I checked the rule book and everything

5) OK, maybe Miami does have a problem closing out games after all

4) Udonis Haslem being called on to make a critical stop the run jumper in the stretch is not what's advertised for this team

3) Dirk's go-ahead three made me laugh out loud, and I picked the Heat to win this series

2) Mario Chalmers earned his "Wire" references with the answering three, not that Jason Terry covered himself in glory for that "defense"

1) The way this game ended seemed almost perfectly designed to give Dallas Fan Maximum Possible Release

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Top 10 reasons why Shaq is finally retiring

10) Wanted to be the first person in America to use his personal Twitter account for a newsworthy announcement

9) The Globetrotters couldn't meet his price

8) Now that he's given up playing, he can finally relax his strict training regimen and restrictive diet

7) If you had to hang out with Kevin Garnett, Big Baby Davis, Troy Muphy and Nenad Krstic, you'd quit too

6) Finally got the quality "Kaazam 2" script he's been looking for

5) Ran out of nicknames that didn't make him cry

4) Realized that his final career goal to play for every franchise was a bit demeaning for one of the all-time greats

3) Knew that he'd never make it in the Association without Phil Jackson still around to teach him

2) Being on that last "Gone Fishin'" TNT Photostop graphic scarred him deeply

1) No one cares anymore about the flavor of his ass

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

MLBoycott? Not so much

Today on the wire, there's a lovely bit about how most of the MLB-wide attendance problem is the fault of the Dodgers, and that it's all intentional on the part of El Lay Fan, who is none too pleased at the idea of rooting for the latest incarnation of the Expos. (H/t to the Five Tool Ninja for the link, by the way.)

Sure, perhaps it was all Giant Fan Near Homicide related, or the hangover from ManRam being gone, or how going to games where Jonathan Broxton could close might be bad for your overall health. But mostly, it's about how Dodger Fan just really doesn't want to give either Frank McCourt or Bud Selig his money, and man alive, can I not blame him for that decision.

Rather, there's this. Dodger Fan, what took you so long to see that this turd was, in fact, a turd? This team has been slowly being run into the ground for years now, ever since the stat boys who actually drafted well got ran off, and the Rent An Uneasy Feeling of the End Days of Manny Ramirez and Joe Torre were selling so many wigs. It's not as if the seeds for sorrow weren't being sowed for a while here, Blue Boys and Girls. You don't lie down with Manny and Joe without getting a little dirty. OK, more than a little.

But frankly, I'm kind of amazed that the game isn't in more trouble at the gate. Minny went from a division winning darling to a cursed franchise in nearly the time it took them to make the Eric Chavez-esque commitment to Joe Mauer. No one in KC, Cleveland or Pittsburgh is ready to believe that these teams are for real and worth paying actual money to see; similarly, every Mets Fan I've talked to this year sounded like he spent his weekends at home improvement stores, testing out which new oven would be best to stick his head into. The plus markets with well-served fan bases (Philly, NYY, Boston, SF, Chi) were already selling at near-capacity; it's not as if they could keep up the overall numbers with stasis.

And yet, there it is, numbers not lying and all that. Despite an economy that sputters along, a housing market that makes everyone with equity swallow antacids like candy, an unemployment figure that creates serious unease and widespread weather disasters, the game still draws nearly the same as it always has. With a new generation of people that clutch their smartphones like prayer beads, with techonology at home that makes going to the games less and less defensible, the enterprise is sound, so long as you don't screw the pooch by bringing your spouse into your festival of bad management.

Maybe it's just the comparatively sane labor situation?

Top 10 reasons why the Thrashers are moving to Winnipeg

10) No one in Atlanta aware that the town had a hockey team in the first place

9) Life in Canada just was not exciting without that Calgary / Edmonton / Winnipeg 3-way dance of death

8) Despite all evidence to the contrary, Canadians like hockey a lot

7) Ice incapable of remaining in Atlanta for more than 15 minutes at a time

6) Without the NHL, Winnipeg just isn't as exciting

5) Frequent flyer miles from Winnipeg still being in the Eastern Conference next year will keep the NHL solvent

4) Now, Dale Hawerchuk can finally die in peace, come home, and stop hogging the Sweet N Low at the local Tim Horton's

3) The move prevents any NHL footage from having that stupid Tomahawk Chop chant from happening

2) Now that the Canadian dollar outpaces the U.S., Winnipeg actually has more money than any U.S. city

1) You would not believe the deals you get on housing and moving vans by actually wanting to go there