Top 11 reasons why Jeff Feagles is retiring

Today, Giants punter and 23-year veteran Jeff Feagles is expected to announce his retirement. What caused the record-setting special teams ace to call it quits?

11) Expects to take Tiki Barber's NBC job and intern mistress

10) Moving the Pro Bowl from Hawaii to Florida gave him the opportunity to really see, for the first time, just how nice Florida is for seniors

9) Wanted to be the first punter in league history to choose the time to go, rather than the other way around

8) Could no longer relate to those whippersnapper coaches, or actual football players

7) His 36.0 yard net punting average from last year, the second-lowest of his career, so deeply shamed him that he could no longer sleep at night

6) Only way to prove that he wasn't just sticking around to reach that magic 500 punts downed inside the 20 record

5) Finally giving up on his dream of completing a pass (he retires 0 for 8)

4) Wants more time with the grandkids

3) Can no longer stand the personal afffront that is the lack of punting in fantasy football

2) Just couldn't see how he could compete with the newly acquired Jim Sorgi, who would have been his competition for holding on kicks

1) Doesn't actually want to retire, but does want media attention, and to get out of training camp