Brief And Obvious Points About Chip Kelly Saying His Team Is Two Kicks From 3-1

It's All The Kicker's Fault

You hit two kicks and we are sitting here 3-1 and everybody's happy. - Chip Kelly, seriously, no, not making this up, on 10/6/15

Hoo boy.

Well, before we get into the bedrock insanity that's far more disturbing than the gist of this throwaway lie, a few points of order. If Cody Parkey hits the field goal in Atlanta -- oh, and Parkey was hurt during preseason, and never right, and Nero the GM never bothered to find a replacement, because having a LOL LB try to kick was Moar Fun -- the Eagles are just up by a few more points. With plenty of time left in the game, and the Falcons still having that Julio Jones guy that was pretty much torching Chip's CB1 at will, facing a good QB at home, without getting much of a pass rush. Missing the FG didn't help, by all means, but it's not like the team was down 2 and iced the clock before not collecting points from a (heh heh) chip shot.

In re the DC game, Caleb Sturgis should not really be expected to make the figgie, given that he also missed a freaking PAT. And if he connects on both of those -- and he should do that why, exactly, given his track record of not keeping the job in Miami? -- you are just up 8 when the Slurs get Pierre Garcon doing his thing, and have to stop a 2-point conversion after getting pimp slapped down the field for the last three hours of perceived time. There's a real good chance that you just lose the game in overtime, rather than regulation, especially since the rest of that game showed that the offensive line might as well have gotten on the bus with a minute left, rather than bothering to take the field.

So, um, no, Nero, you are not two missed kicks from 3-1. You are two losses, both of them well and truly deserved, from 3-1. And if the Jets don't jump offsides during your trying like hell to lose end game in New York, maybe you are 0-4 instead. Honestly, from actually watching the games, this team feels a lot closer to 0-4 than 3-1. Hell, from watching the game, this team feels closer to 0-5, and yes, I know they've only played four games. This offense has been so bad, between the first half in Atlanta and DC, and the entire game against Dallas, that time no longer has meaning.

But let's ignore reality -- we have to, we're Eagles Fans, which is to say, a team with the 6th worst record in the NFL over the last half-season, and yet one where many people were talking Super Bowl after three freaking pre-season games -- and let Nero be right. Would anyone actually think that this collection of crud would be ready to win a playoff game or three, just because they had a record they did not deserve? Would you feel any better about the offense that can't run the football, the defense that can't get off the field, the special teams that have barely avoided blocked punts on multiple occasions, and actually have given up a blocked punt as well, and so on?

I don't need Nero to be odious to want him the hell away from my laundry. The fact that he's not very good at this is the only thing that matters. This is a very cut and dried business. I'm certain that there are all kinds of great people who didn't make the team; being a great person is utterly irrelevant to the results. I didn't ever wish ill of Andy Reid when he needed to be removed from the laundry. He just needed to go.

But lo, Nero is checking off every box in the I Can't Wait For Him To Go checklist. Loser? Oh yes. Liar? Most definitely; the Evan Mathis Experience, when the coach says that he wasn't going to ever show up and play without a new contract, and Mathis is tweeting the photo of his airline ticket, is check and mate on this. Fraud? Sure; Sideshow Tebow proved that, along with turning QB3 into a turnstile. Not serious about his job? LOL LB/K. Can't relate to pro players, especially if they show any sign of the Uppity? Check, check, check.

A bad team with a good record is a bad team. This team is 2-6 over its last eight games, and one of those wins was in a game where the opponent (New York) was actively trying not to win, so as to better their draft position. This is a bad team. It's got a bad offensive line, and now it's hurt. It's a thin team, and the injuries are mounting. It's a team that's simplified the offensive playbook, and become incredibly predictable. It's a team with a coach that's supposed to be aggressive, and he's not.

 3-1 or 1-3?

Who the hell cares, when the team is a terrible and unwatchable fraud?