Top 12 reasons why Chicago is to blame for Milton Bradley's poor 2009

"Two years ago, I played, and I was good. go to Chicago, not good. I've been good my whole career. So, obviously, it was something with Chicago, not me." - Milton Bradley, as quoted in the New York Times

12) Kept taking his stapler

11) Didn't tell him that they hadn't won a World Series in over a century, and that the town might have some negativity

10) Put him in a situation, unlike Texas, where local fans noticed whether the team won or lost

9) Exposed him to the gateway drug of deep dish pizza, leading to hardcore rib addiction

8) Signed him to a totally ridiculous 3 year, $30 million contract that he could never hope to earn

7) Did not make it totally clear which Chicago ballpark he would be playing in

6) When a player is on his fifth organization in five years, and his eighth overall, it must be the team's fault when it doesn't work out

5) Area landlords refuse to follow the rule that big name free agent outfielders stay for free

4) Club kept bringing in water coolers that looked at him funny

3) Media kept noticing when he'd say he wasn't talking to them, then talked to them

2) It's all that damned goat's fault

1) Um, they signed Milton Bradley

Top 10 signs that fantasy baseball is getting too popular

10) Five people in your office have asked you if you are starting a league

9) People are actually drafting teams now, despite a month of spring training injuries ahead

8) The poor quality of American League shortstops offends you

7) MLB- markets like Oakland, Kansas City, Washington and San Diego actively marketing their ticket plans as "Our guys count in fantasy leagues, too"

6) People actually choose to listen to Matthew Berry

5) Season previews of teams getting a tenth of the page views of player rankings

4) Jose Reyes' owners about to file class-action lawsuit to make the Mets hit him leadoff, instead of third

3) The decision isn't whether to join a league, but whether to go for an auction or snake draft

2) You've read this whole list in the hopes of finding one sleeper (Julio Borbon)

1) No MLB fan under 30 doesn't have a team

Five Very Nerdy Baseball Questions

As I begin the annual exercise in diminishing returns that is fantasy baseball prep, I'm ready to get in touch with my inner (OK, he's not that inner) nerd. And since we're now some 20 to 30 years into the statistical reformation of baseball, which means that Joe Morgan now knows what slugging percentage means, I can only up the ante and see if these metrics have been cranked up already. (Probably on some pay gomer service, of course. That's what the comments are for, really.)

5) Is there an optimal number of throws to first, and does stolen base percentage change after repeat throws to first?

This has always been one of the things that I'd pull if I was a manager and wanted to buy time for the reliever. Instead of having to trudge my weary self to the bump to talk to the arsonist that got me into this jam in the first place, I just signal to the catcher to keep throwing to first until the reliever is good and ready. Assuming that your pitcher and first baseman can successfully play catch (and if the throws to first are nice and soft enough to drive the opposing team's fans crazy, so much the better), you avoid any sense of the reliever not being ready, and you might even get an edge by taking some of the gas out of the speedster's legs.

Of course, if the numbers go the other way (i.e., more throws = higher percentage, maybe from the redemptive power of hate), then the pitcher and catcher are going to have *major* communication issues. Best to go through all of those signs again, Jorge.

4) Are offensive variances more predictable on the percentage of hits and fouls that just clear the fence, and do the same guys lead in this category year over year?

Take a look at Ichiro hit sometime (Ichiro, for all of the Red Sox and Yankee fans out there, plays for *Seattle* -- isn't it cute how other cities have teams and players, too?). He fouls off a tremendous number of pitches, but the vast majority of them are deflections off the bat, and hence sharp lines that always make the stands. He's a remarkably consistent hitter, and money in the bank as a fantasy player.

Now look at Alfonso Soriano. Every swing is for the downs, and he produces (at least to my memory of him during his time in Texas, when I saw a lot of him in games against my A's) a ton of pop ups, some of which would wind up getting collected for outs in the huge Oakland foul turf. And he seemed to be one of the most erratic offensive players from a year to year basis in the majors.

If we can measure people's batting average on balls in play, I suspect we can also measure this, really. And see if the same guys lead the league in pop ups from year to year.

3) Is there a consistent split among road pitching performances that follow attendance?

All road games are not created equal, really; a Tuesday night in Oakland in front of a few thousand souls is not the same, in any way, as a game against the same team on Friday night, in front of a full fireworks house. It would be interesting, not to mention a very nice point to know for those who still enjoy wagering on games, to know if there is a consistent difference, and what kind of opposing pitcher (young vs. experienced) feels it the most.

2) How much more likely is a player to get hurt if he plays second, short, or catcher?

We know that some positions rack up more injuries than others, and it's even been the historic reason why any number of stud hitters get moved later in their careers, since they just can't stay healthy in the middle positions. We've got a century of games played by position; we should know a better number than an anecdote.

1) What pitchers are the most likely to throw a first pitch strike?

As a fan, nothing galls more than the reliever who comes in during a rally and falls behind the hitter. It would be good to know who does and who doesn't have this problem. (Though, of course, they can quickly have another problem if it becomes none that the first pitch is always a get-ahead fastball...)

Takeaway

Sorry for all the emo, but tonight as I came in the door from the evening commute, the Shooter Brother called to tell me that my father has passed on. Seeing as FTT is where I do the writing, and we're not going to get back to the site's business before I get through this, here comes some personal words. If you want to skip, I won't hold it against you.

My relationship with my father is, for the most part, a void. My mother and he split, and nothing about it was pretty. He left behind my older brother and sister, and I was five. I have no memories of him as a child, and the Shooter Mom didn't discuss him. We lived on her earnings as a bartender, my siblings didn't bring him up, and for the most part, it wasn't an issue.

My uncles on my father's side were important players in the Philadelphia music scene, which was how I spent my 20s. So our paths finally crossed twenty years later. By odd coincidence, my father worked with a woman who played bass in the band, and we met for me to sell him some demo tapes. (He insisted on the money.) The meeting was odd, fairly brief, awkward, and the only thing that struck me was how the man was actually shorter than me. I'm 5'-3", so I don't often meet men who I can look over. He was probably in his late 40s then, in reasonably health, and didn't seem to have any idea of what to do next. Neither did I, really. I still don't.

Five years later, I was coming up on my 30th birthday, the music career was winding down, and I was taking an EST-ish course that focused on clearing personal drama from your life. So I contacted him again, tried to get him to do the course with me (he passed, which wasn't too surprising, but still a shame), and went over to his house for an evening. He talked a lot, mostly saying the same things over and over again. He had gone through some serious health issues that seemed to make him a little more thoughtful, but it's not like he showed me a lot of potential for growth. He was what he was.

I wrote about the experience for a local weekly that's no longer around, which I think offended him a little... but more for the idea that it could cause him trouble at work, rather than the truth or falsehoods of anything I actually wrote. (I didn't use his name, but my byline appeared, and my last name isn't very common.) He also had the same breed of dog as me, which was officially weird.

So having only really met him a couple of times by the time I was 30, I wasn't terribly interested in trying to have a traditional father-son relationship. The man also had a new family and obligations, so it's not like he had a ton of time and interest in going there, either.

I think he was proud of what I had accomplished and who I was, but it's not like we were going to go hang out. When I married the Shooter Wife, he wisely stayed out of the wedding rather than run into my mom, sent some cash, and that was that. We didn't speak again for the 10+ years after that, and when his grandchildren were born, I didn't get in touch. My kids asked about him a few times, but not very often, and not recently. I'm still mulling over how I tell them that he's passed, or even if.

It all seems harsh, I suppose, and on some level, I kind of regret not having the chance to say goodbye. But it never really seemed to be a need, or a good idea. Getting in touch with him just seemed like timewaste, and a betrayal of the parent that didn't skip.

But when I was talking with the Shooter Wife tonight, it got me to thinking. If I had been a father at 18, the way he was, I wouldn't have gone to college, since I would have provided for the kids. I wouldn't have had the meager amounts of patience that I have as a parent at 30 (and now 40). I'm sure I'd have resented the kids and their mother, not made very good coin, lived in a dicey neighborhood, and worked a job -- or two, or three -- where I just got beaten down every day. And had I grown up in the situation that he did, without anyone pushing me to do something more with my life...

Well, we all make our own luck in this world, of course, and the man had brothers who overcame the same hardships that he had to have pretty great lives. But the margin for error isn't so huge, really.

And if everyone is here to teach us something, he's taught me the price of not putting your kids first. Not the worst thing to take away from a father, really.

NESW Drop: The Enemies List Presents: Top 5 Hateful Sports Gomers

A great list of disdain this week over at the video site, with fun finds involving darts commentary that puts Gus Johnson to shame, rec league hockey players hurting themselves, and Jim Rome going off on Softball Guy. But at the end of the day, ignore the rankings and hate Phil Hellmuth. That's always a win.