Late Game NFL Notes

> Mark Sanchez went the extra mile by not only throwing a TAInt in the red zone, but also taking a 15-yard flag by diving at Jonathan Vilma's knees while Darren Sharper was taking it to the house. Since Sanchez isn't Brett Favre, I'm pretty sure we can criticize him for that.

> Tashard Choice is dramatically better than Marion Barber. Man, MBIII's era didn't last as long as you might have thought. But the Barbarian did have one of those Iron Will touchdown runs of his to make it a 10-0 game.

> With 2 minutes left in overtime and the ball at the Browns 43, the Bengals added undue drama with an incomplete and a 3-yard catch, leading to 4th and 10 and 1:04 left. It was looking like Sister Kissing Time, but the Bengals nutted up and went for it, with Carson Palmer saving the day with a converting scramble. Shayne Graham hits the redemption figgie, and the Bengals are the Kings Of Ohio.

> If there's a better leader at QB than Drew Brees, I haven't seen it. On a very nice cutback run by Reggie Bush, Brees erased the corner with a block and looked happier than if he had thrown a touchdown. He's, um, good. And stuff.

> With 10 minutes left in the second quarter and up 10-0, the Saints went for it on fourth and goal at the one, but didn't get it. Big stand by the Jets... but it's undermined immediately as Sanchez is sacked, forcing a fumble and touchdown recovery. The rookie took too long back there, and for everyone who thought that he wasn't ready to win a tough road game (hand raised), life's looking correct. So far, it's Saints Defense 14, Saints Offense 3.

> According to Josh McDaniels reporting to Troy Aikman, Corell Buckhalter is the fastest player on the Broncos. Now, I love me some Buck as much as anyone; he was a warrior in Eagles laundry, always provided value as Brian Westbrook's backup, and showed incredible heart to come back from the injuries that he suffered. But we're talking about a 30-year-old RB on his third knee. If he's really the fastest player on your team, that's all I need to know about your scouting department. Buck left the field in the third quarter with an ankle injury, so I'm assuming there is someone faster than him now on the roster.

> Because I know you weren't going to be able to concentrate on anything else, the Bills have completed passes to Terrible Owens today. They are also down by two touchdowns to the Dolphins playing Chad Henne, but first things first, really.

> It's nice to see Brian Dawkins dancing like a crazy person, if only because it's rare to see any 35-year-old person get that excited about anything, really.

> Joe Buck: "Orton has been off in the first half." No, actually, he's been Kyle Orton. If you enjoy undisguised quick screens that go nowhere, missed deep ball opportunities and taking what the defense gives you in order to pad your stats and "manage the game", he's your guy. And so long as your defense stands on its head and your WRs make a big play or two a game, that makes him The Greatest QB in Bronco History, if not the entire NFL. Wins Uber Alles!

> Even by usual NFL announcing standards, the announcing crews are so in the bag for Mark Sanchez. If you are looking for the New Favre in terms of announcer praise outweighing actual production, look no further.

> Halfway through the third quarter, Reggie Bush puts the ball on the ground, and the Jets take immediate advantage with a Thomas Jones touchdown run to end a drive. It's ballgame time in the Bayou.

> Meanwhile in the red zone against the Broncos, it's Tony Romo's 8th career pick in the money area, and I love that we're now counting how many of those have happened. That's just good times.

> It's officially Confetti Bucket Time in Miami, as the Dolphins take a 31-3 lead on Buffalo. Trent Ewards is 6 of 14 for 83 yards with 2 picks as I write this, which makes me wonder... do they have JP Losman's number any more? That was always fun, when they'd switch back and forth.

> I thought I had a chance in one of my fantasy league matchups, but my opponent had the 49er defense. Good Grief. It's not enough that they pitch a shutout; they also had to score 3 touchdowns by their own damn selves. Yeesh.

> It might be possible to overrate Darrelle Revis right now, but I'm really not sure how. I can accept that he's going to wipe out the opponent's top WR, but in today's game against the Saints, he was just everywhere. The Jets offense lost that game today, not the defense.

Early Game NFL Notes

Between fighting off some death bug, staring down the final moments of my successful fantasy baseball championship, and only getting Giants v. Chiefs for the early game, there's really not much to report here. Normally, being in the middle ground area of New York and Philadelphia creates useful overlapping media markets and multiple games, but not today; no one thought that Patriots v. Ravens might be watchable. Just kill me. But here goes...

> It took until the fourth week of the season for Cedric Benson to remind us all that he is, in fact, Cedric Benson. In regulation against a Cleveland team that had been hyper-generous to opposing runners, Big Fat Ced gave us 13 carries for 32 yards and a fumble. Just joyous. At least he picked it up in the overtime session, and prevented this from being a complete travesty.

> The Titans have not won since stomping on the Terrible Towel. The consensus best 0-3 team ever is now the consensus Just 0-4 team after a turdbowl effort against the Jags. That will teach them.

> In the third quarter of what should have been a much easier win on the road in Kansas City, Eli Manning tweaked his heel awkwardly. He stayed in for one more play, a bubble screen to Hakeem Nicks that the rookie took to the house, then grabbed some bench for the rest of the game. If the Giants really need to go with David Carr, they are no longer the best team in the division, and maybe not even a playoff team. Yes, Carr is really that bad.

> My manlove for Darren McFadden is officially over. When you can't get yards against the Texans, you can't get yards against anyone.

> The Redskins, as predicted, are now the very worse .500 team in the history of football. When it's a come-from-behind win against a terrible Buccaneer team, that's where you are. This team should go 0-6 in the NFC East.

> I'd like to thank Seneca Wallace for (a) killing John Carlson and Nate Burleson, both of whom I had to start today due to bye weeks, and (b) generating points in garbage time to hurt my choice of the Colts defense. I've never randomly hated a worthless backup more, really.

> Lost in the 48-24 final today in Chicago is that the Lions had many more first downs (25 to 14) and outgained the home team by 120+ yards. The difference was from Johnny Knox's 102-yard kickoff return for a touchdown and two Lions turnovers. On the line of scrimmage, the Bears weren't that much better.

> Also in Jacksonville, Mike Sims-Walker had two touchdowns, or two more than he ever had as just Mike Walker. You need to hyphenate your last name if you want to be ownable in fantasy football as a Jaguar. If David Garrard ever changes his name to David El-Garrard, watch out.

> Let the Waiver Wire Rush for Cleveland's Muhammed Massaquoi commence. Just remember, kids, that he's got Derek Anderson throwing to him...

> Finally in New England, the Empire held own for a 6-point win against the Ravens, with Joey Galloway a healthy scratch and Dreamboat Brady having to stoop to sneak for a score. Why do I get the feeling that the NFL will regret not taking the Pats out in the first month of the season, when they could have been had?

Poker fever

So I'm fighting off some kind of bug, and rather than subject the rest of the Shooter Brood to it, I've been hiding in the Man Cave. Which led to passing out on the couch while the World Series of Poker was on, and having the following nightmare (no, really):

I'm in a poker game that a friend of mine is leading. He's the dealer, and pass after pass goes by with him (a) narrating the entire hand, a la the ESPN coverage (because I'm not quite unconscious), and (b) failing to deal me in. So I'm getting more and more angry, not the least of which is that I'm subject to the blinds, but none of the other players seem to care, and my friend just continues to narrate the hands.

Finally, I get up and leave with a few choice words as to how I'm never coming back to his crappy game, and he follows me to my car... only to continue, well, narrating the hand. I wake up to realize what's happening, and realize that I've been listening to poker coverage for, well, hours.

I suppose it could have been worse, in that if I had stayed asleep long enough, my friend would have begun speaking in informercial, or if it had been an earlier year of coverage, Phil Hellmuth-ese...

The Silly Season Grind

For the past week and a half, I've been engaged in a scorched earth battle for a championship in a head to head fantasy baseball league. I was in three leagues this year, and this is the only one where my team showed life, so it's kind of a big deal. If I can pull off the win, I'll be up for the year, and money's tight enough now that this matters.

The rules of the league are pretty traditional: 5 x 5 Yahoo (Runs, RBIs, HRs, SBs and OBA against Wins, Saves, ERA, WHIP and K/9). The tie-breaking category is ERA, which just drives me crazy, in that it basically double-rewards a ratio category, and allows your team to lose it all at the last possible moment from an exploding reliever. It also rewards inaction, rather than action, in that if you get up in the category, you should just sit on the lead.

But the tiebreaker really isn't the biggest turd in the punchbowl here. That's the fact that the league is daily moves, with a move cap of 150 for the year. And once the playoffs come, provided you are lucky enough to qualify for them and haven't used up your moves for the year, you use them. Over and over and over.

Since September 20, when the championship round started, I've made well over 40 moves to try to nail this thing down, or about half as many as I've made all year. Most of them were made around 3am, because Yahoo is set to midnight on California time, which means that if you are playing against some guy on the West Coast, you're hosed. (And yes, one more reason why I miss living in Cali.) And because there's no rule against it, and I've held a lead in ERA, I've grabbed any number of pitchers that I was never going to use, just to make sure that my opponent couldn't touch them.

Finally, it's the fact that in a head to head league, unlike roto, the last few at-bats of the year are the most important. It's worked out for me this year, in that the opponent is cursing his luck to have Chase Utley, and his perceived advantage at catcher (Pablo Sandoval versus a collection of waiver talent, mostly Kurt Suzuki and Ryan Doumit) hasn't worked out, thanks to a couple of big fluke games.

The real problem is that daily move leagues are just an invitation to nerdly abuse, and the final two weeks of the season in baseball (and also basketball, not like people play that very much) are silly, in terms of who gets playing time. You can either lock the rosters late, or limit transaction to one per day, or set the transaction date to East Coast time... but really, the secret to fantasy leagues is that you have to grind to win. And if people knew how much grinding was involved, they'd play less. A lot less.

Top 10 Ways To Fake An Interest In Hockey

Want to pass with the puckhead in your office? Care to score points with a Canadian? Need a way to explain your mullet? Then just drop one of these ten time-tested tidbits that will make you look less like a hoser, eh. (And don't worry about the 25-year-old quasi-joke. That's big comedy to hockey fans!)

10) Pretend to get choked up over how Wayne Gretzky won't be coaching the Coyotes anymore

9) Assuming you don't speak French, talk about how much you hate the Montreal Canadians

8) Talk about how much you enjoy watching the Flyers lose every year, despite their high priced off-season additions (this year, it's named Chris Pronger)

7) Mention how much you are looking forward to the game that's being held outside

6) Give whoever you are talking to a hockey player nickname by adding "sie" to the end of their last name

5) Compare NHL commissioner Gary Bettman to any of history's greatest monsters

4) Say that if your team can't win the Stanley Cup, it's OK, just so long as it's not Detroit again

3) Complain about how little ESPN covers the sport, and make disparaging remarks about anythign else the network shows (poker is always a good target)

2) Wish that you could go see more games in person, but you have this crazy desire to keep eating

1) Say that now that the world has high definition television, the sport is bound to take off in popularity, since that's clearly the last piece of the puzzle